


All I ask

by TsuruKuni



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: AU where AkaKuro are bestfriends, Break Up, Can be OOC, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Full of blah blah's, Honestly OOC, M/M, but I dunno, could be triggering?, not really - Freeform, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-17 16:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9332612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsuruKuni/pseuds/TsuruKuni
Summary: "It's none of your business.""Tell me, Aomine. How can it be none of my business when you're throwing away the only person I've ever wanted?"





	1. I will leave my heart at the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll update the next part tom >.< It was supposed to be a one-shot but it became longer. And I'm quite tired today so I'll just continue it tom ^-^
> 
> Srsly, I dunno how this turned out.
> 
> (Update: the next day, I wasn't able to finish it today as well, sorryyy)

_"Tetsu... I think we should break up..."_

Kuroko woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon wafting through the air which could only mean that his previous dorm mate and bestfriend, Akashi Seijuurou, is already downstairs preparing for breakfast. Normally, he'd be overjoyed with the prospect of seeing the redhead who'd occasionally _"babysit"_  him during weekends but right now, he'd rather just lock himself up in his room and not see anyone.  _Especially not Akashi and his smart mouth..._

Kuroko sighed heavily as he ran a hand through his hair. How many days had it been since that day? He already lost count. It's as if his world came to a standstill ever since Aomine decided that he was not his happiness anymore. Even though for Kuroko, he still was and always will be,  _everything beautiful_  in this world.  _What a cruel man he is._

The tealhead slowly sat up, blinking away all the remnants of his sleepiness. He'd really rather just stay in bed but he knew Akashi would fetch him soon if he doesn't go down. And he could not let him see his dump of a room. Especially not the torn photos of him and Aomine scattered on the floor. Not the tattered clothings and ripped stuffed toys everywhere. He knew of Akashi's murderous tendencies and knowing of what happened between him and Aomine this way would only trigger his inner demon. And Kuroko doesn't want that. By all means possible, he doesn't even want the redhead to be dragged in all of this...

He removed his covers and groggily stood up to face the mirror.  _Oh god... he looks awful!_ His bedhead was no longer a surprise but the dark, purplish bags under his eyes made him look like some beaten up kid. 

But no, those bags weren't from crying. He never cried. He never did. But Kise held him that day, silently crying like it was his pain, mumbling incoherent phrases of consolation. And Kuroko just continuously patted his back... patted him as if he was consoling himself. At that time, he felt achingly grateful that someone like Kise is in his life. He could not help but feel blessed, having a friend who cries in his stead when he can not. And he told himself a thousand times not to cry. It was a silent plea. A mantra preventing him from crossing the borderline of losing himself.

Those bags... were probably from his sleepless nights. As if it wasn't enough for Aomine to invade his thoughts during the day, his smile also haunts him when he sleeps. And it's funny how those kinds of moments bring him pleasant feelings in the past, but now it's just pure torture... 

_Uggghhh.. stop it, Kuroko. Stop dwelling in it._

Kuroko then headed towards the bathroom, a cheap concealer in hand. When he went down, he found several plates of food placed meticulously on the dining table, a hot vanilla drink on the side, still seemingly piping hot. The tealhead can't help but smile.  _Still the same Akashi-kun._

He found the redhead sitting comfortably on the sofa in the living room with a book on hand. Kuroko chuckled at the serious expression on the male's face - his brows were furrowed and he looks rather irritated, a disagreeing expression was constanly plastered on his face. One would think that he hates what he's reading but quite the contrary, this actually means that his full attention is currently on the book, and that he is mentally and emotionally invested on it, which only happens on rare occasions as far as Kuroko can remember.

When Akashi noticed him, he wordlessly tapped the space beside him for the tealhead to sit. Kuroko just obliged, sat down and leaned into him comfortably. By habit, the redhead slid an arm over his shoulder to pull him closer, then resumed his reading. "Have you lost weight? You seem lighter." The redhead commented, still not taking his gaze off of the book.

"Quit the flattering. It won't get you anywhere." Kuroko giggled, leaning sideways and placing his arms to encircle Akashi's waist, practically hugging him.

"Shame. I thought that was a killer line." Akashi snickered, glancing at the tealhead for a short while.

A smile was still on Kuroko's face as he snuggled closer into Akashi's warmth. "That interesting? What's it about?"

The redhead hummed. "Mmmnnn. I guess." He flipped the page, still engrossed. "Cliche, actually. Two people fall in love, gets together but had to separate because of their absurd circumstances."

"Sounds like something you wouldn't normally read." Kuroko wondered.

"Yeah. I was just kinda annoyed, I had to see through the end." The disapproving look on the redhead's face was even more accentuated than before. "If they love each other, then why do they have to make it so complicated... Why do they let each other suffer..." He sighed exasperatedly. "Not a lot of people can achieve the love they wanted to have, you know..."

Kuroko felt his chest clenching. The wound he's desperately trying to patch up days ago felt renewed, bleeding profusely again. "Akashi-kun... there are times when you have to just let go even if you know that you still both love each other..." He slowly pulled away from the taller male, unsure if he's still able to maintain his usual deadpanned expression with the acute pain in his chest. Akashi now left his book and just stared at him, confused. "Knowing how to set aside your own happiness to make way for your partner's also shows how far your love goes." The tealhead bit his lower lip, trying to control his emotions. "It's not making things complicated. It's just...  _loving,_ overall. And... there's nothing wrong with that."

Kuroko saw Akashi's expression transitioning from confused to pained. The redhead then reached out a hand to cup his cheeks. His warm hand felt safe and reassuring that the tealhead leaned towards it. Akashi then slowly placed a soft kiss on Kuroko's forehead. "Tetsuya... what's wrong?" He stared at him once more. "Why are you crying?"

Kuroko only felt then that tears were already spilling from his eyes.  _No, he can't do this. He can't cry. He can't. Not now when he already managed to hold it in for so long._ He sniffed before trying to put up another smile. "Nothing's wrong Akashi-kun." He removed the hand cupping his cheek and agonizingly wiped the traces of his sudden outburst. "I guess I just sympathized with the story... Foolish, right?" He gave him a reassuring soft laughter as he stood up to head towards the dining area. "Now, I have to drink that hot vanilla before it -"

The tealhead felt his wrist being forcefully grabbed to keep him in place. "Don't give me that  _bullshit,_ Tetsuya." He turned back to see Akashi also standing up with a bitter look on his face. "You think I wouldn't notice those bags you lousily hid?" The redhead gritted his teeth. "It's Daiki, isn't it? You only act strangely when it's about Daiki." He slowly let Kuroko's wrist go to carefully pull him into a hug. He placed his other hand on the smaller male's back, while the other is on his head, slightly giving it a small "push" to encourage him to lean on his shoulder.

And at that moment, Kuroko gave in.

Akashi can't help the immense rage bubbling inside him towards the tanned male, feeling how Kuroko is trembling as he clutched on to him and started crying out loud.  _"He doesn't want me anymore, Akashi-kun." ,_ the tealhead said in between his sobs and cries.

Akashi felt like he's being stabbed multiple times as he watched the usual calm and collected Kuroko becoming undone. He forced himself to stay still and just close his eyes as he stroked the smaller male's hair while he weeps, fighting back the urge to just get out of this house and kill the bastard who caused his Tetsuya this much pain.  _Not now... Tetsuya needs him right now._ It was the only thought that prevented him from doing so. "Tetsuya... what happened?"

 

 ----

 

_"Tetsu... I think we should break up..." Kuroko stopped still upon hearing those words. He glanced back to see Aomine standing several distance away from him, looking conflicted._

_Aomine was just dropping him off his house after they finished a voluntary work in the orphanage. It was his grandmother, who was a helper in that orphanage, who asked them to do voluntary work for just a week since another helper was down with a flu._

_It was on the last day when Aomine said those words._

_"D-don't kid around, Aomine-kun." Kuroko was silently pleading that he was, even though his eyes clearly say otherwise._

_"I'm serious, Tetsu..." And then the world stopped._

_Kuroko already knew that something was bothering Aomine for the past week. Actually, even a month before that but this week had been the worst. At times, he would catch him blankly staring at nothing. At times, he's cranky. At times, he's cold. He kept asking him about it but the tall male had been constantly shrugging it off. He waited. Waited. And waited for him to tell him. But now that he said it... Kuroko wished that he never did. Ever. He would have been more happy with not knowing..._

_"But..  why... Aomine-kun... I thought... I thought..." The tealhead mumbled, at lost._

_Aomine looked away. "I'd given it much thought... And I think Tetsu... I..." The tanned male paused before looking straight at him, tormented. "I want to have a family...I want to have kids...I want to have a wife..." He sighed as if a huge burden was lifted off his chest. "It's not your fault... Please don't think that way..."_

_Kuroko still stood lost as Aomine walked towards him and grabbed hold of both his hands, covering them with his own. "Please don't also think that I don't love you anymore... I still love you. Oh god, you don't know how much I do." He brought Kuroko's hands to his lips and placed several desperate kisses on them. "I love you. I love you." He whispered as droplets of tears started to flow from his eyes. "I love you... but I... don't see us going anywhere in the future." He painfully stared at Kuroko's empty eyes. "I think it would just be fair to let go of you now. I don't want to keep you by my side selfishly while I'm having these thoughts... and that I know that I'll also be leaving you in the future." Aomine placed one last kiss on his hand before releasing them. "Please don't cry for a jerk like me... And please find someone to love you more than I can... I hope you can forgive me one day, Tetsu..."_

_Kuroko inwardly smiled bitterly. Ahhh... so this is how feeling helpless and inadequate is. How awful..._

 

_\----_

 

Akashi placed another kiss on Kuroko's forehead as he tucked him to bed. He urged the tealhead to rest, especially after knowing that he had not been sleeping well for days. Kuroko, stripped completely of his energy, just nodded and let Akashi drag him to the guest room's bed - he did after seeing the mess on Kuroko's room. "Sleep for now, Tetsuya. I'll be here when you wake up." He gave the tealhead a warm smile, squeezing his arm gently before leaving to tidy up the room next to them. Kuroko then grabbed on to his sleeves. "Please don't hurt him, Akashi-kun... He did nothing wrong." 

For a moment, Akashi just gazed at Kuroko's sad, innocent eyes peering at him. How could some  _shithole_  have the heart to break this fragile little being? Truth be told, Akashi was already thinking about how to make that bastard's life miserable but he knew Kuroko wouldn't appreciate that. When the tealhead was telling him about what happened a while ago, he was always asking for reassurance that Akashi will not, by any means, harm Aomine.  _And god,_ how he wanted to tell Kuroko that it's fine if he hated him. It's fine if they never talk again, he just wants to drag that bastard's soul to hell for making him cry... But Akashi knows that if something happens to Aomine, the tealhead might completely break down. And that's not even a tad worth the satisfaction of breaking Aomine.

He inhaled a mouthful of air. "I won't Tetsuya. I promise."

Kuroko gave him one last satisfied smile before drifting to sleep. Akashi chose to ignore the excruciating sensation in his chest.

Once he got out of the room, he dialed a certain number.  _"Daiki, let's talk."_

 

\----

 

Both Akashi and Aomine were gasping for air as they nonchalantly laid down the ground of the park's court just near Kuroko's house. They'd been playing basketball for hours and none of them seem to want to give up and rest until their legs finally gave out. Silence accompanied them for the whole course of the game as if it was an unspoken rule. It's as if both of them were ticking time bombs which would explode as soon as any of them spoke.

And it was Akashi who broke that silence.

"Why, Daiki?" He whispered. "Just... _why?_ " There was a hint of betrayal in his tone.

For a moment, there was a complete silence once again before Aomine propped himself up the ground to a sitting position and sighed heavily. "You wouldn't understand Akashi. It's none of your business anyway _._ "

Akashi abruptly sat up, gritting his teeth. "How can it be none of my business?!?" He snapped, glaring at the taller male. "Tell me Aomine, how can it be none of my business when you're throwing away the only person I've ever wanted?!?"

The tanned male turned to face him indignantly. "Then seduce him, for all I care!!"

"You disgust me." The redhead sneered as his hands formed fists. "Don't you get it?? You're everything he wants!!" He bit his lower lip as he felt his voice shaking. "I can give him everything. I'll give him my time, my attention... I'm giving him my heart. But does it matter if you're still all he sees?!?" Akashi dropped his head in defeat. This was the first time he let his feelings out in the open, it felt more agonizing than he expected. Though he always knew that Aomine already realized his feelings for the tealhead for a while now. After all, he had them long before Kuroko met the tanned male. But yes, fate had to be a  _motherfucker_ and arranged for the tealhead to fall in love with this _asshole_ instead.  _Great. Really great._ And yet, he swallowed all of that. All because he'd never seen Kuroko any happier. And he was content with that. Supporting him with everything he can, watching him from a distance. He was fine.  _As long as he's happy._ "You're all he talks about. Thinks about. Can't you see that?!?!?!"

"I know!!!" Aomine bawled, his expression pained. "I know... so please don't say anymore..." He looked away from the redhead. "I'm not gonna change my mind, Akashi. You don't know  _my anxiety._ You don't know the effect of having people judging you for your preferences. You don't know how much I'm scared for the future. You... you don't know how beautiful those kids in the orphanage looked like... I love Tetsu but... I don't think it's worth it..."

Akashi scoffed. " _Do you really, Daiki?_ If that's your so-called _love,_ I won't argue. But please just let me say this: Tetsuya is worth everything." The redhead effortlessly supported himself to stand up. "I met up with you to supposedly change your mind, but I guess I won't. You have no right to  _love_ him." He shook his clothing to remove the dust which accumulated in them and once again gazed at the tanned male with contempt. "I'm not judging you but please let me tell you something." He removed his gaze from Aomine and stared blankly at the horizon. "When I first felt this erratic beating in my chest, I thought that I finally found my happiness. And if it meant that I will be able to feel that happiness for the rest of my life, I'm more than willing to trade anything for it.

You see Daiki, the difference between the two of us is that my happiness is Tetsuya, and yours isn't. No matter what the circumstance, I'd choose Tetsuya, over and over again. That includes your  _anxieties._

To be honest, I'm quite disappointed in you, Daiki. Not only did you make Tetsuya feel worthless and inadequate with your main  _reason_ for breaking up, you even showed how shallow your _love_ can be. Do you realize that the "future" you don't see with Tetsuya is the future others so desperately want? If Tetsuya would only allow it, I'd marry him in every damn gay church in the world. We'd build a home. A family. I'd raise children with him if he wished, be it adoption or surrogacy, I DON'T CARE, as long as we're together. Were you so blinded by your desire to conform with this society's standards that you failed to see that?

And what do you hope to achieve by following that? Really, Daiki. I hope you set your priorities straight and I hope you don't lead a miserable life trying so hard to catch up to your ideals while neglecting the beauty of what's currently in front of you.

I'm glad he didn't end up with you. You don't deserve him. You don't deserve his love.

I will take care of him. I will protect his smile. And I will treasure his love.

_Mark my words, I will make him forget you. I will erase every bit of your existence in him so that he'll love me. And only me."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I don't know if I should say this but this story was inspired by two of my friends(one bi, the other gay) in my previous school who became a couple afterwards. We're no longer classmates now and I just heard from one of my friends that they recently came to an agreement. It shocked me and I spent the whole day thinking about it until I decided to just write a ff to take my mind off it. My friend said that the guy told the other guy that he wanted to have a family in the future which means breaking up. My friend said that it deeply hurt the guy on the receiving end but he had to accept because what other choice does he have? In the end, it seems that they agreed to be friends even if the first guy is already married in the future. And I cried for the other guy (the one I was closest with before) cause I know how much he loves him - how much they love each other actually. But I have to accept it as well because I'm in no position to judge how they actually feel... I mean, if the other guy accepted it, who am I to not do the same? I just want to give him a "better ending" through this fic and I wish him all the happiness in the future... *off to cry in a corner again*


	2. I won't say a word, they've all been said before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adjusted it to 4 parts now. >.< I don't think I can finish it in 3. But I may be able to finish it for the weekend since I already have the full plot on my head. I just don't know how to write it. Lol.
> 
> So AkaKuro is on diff schools. The setup is like:
> 
> *Akashi+Midorima+Takao+Mukkun  
> *Kuroko+Aomine+Kise+Kagami+Momoi
> 
> They were all friends during high school.
> 
> Dunno how this turns out, but I guess it will be better?

"Akashi-kun..." softly called Tetsuya as he descended down the stairs while rubbing his eyes.

Akashi had just returned from his "meeting", carrying a few bags in his arms after he dropped by the nearest convenience store. "Ah. Tetsuya, you're awake." He headed towards the dining area, unpacking the contents of the plastic bags. Kuroko's eyes visibly shone as he saw two pints of vanilla ice cream among them. The redhead simply grinned at that. "How about movie night with vanilla ice cream?"

The tealhead hid a smile as he walked past the dining room towards the living area and plopped himself down the sofa with 'Pop!'. "Do you really have to ask Akashi-kun? Hurry up. Hurry up." He swung his legs like an excited child even though his face remained stoic and Akashi just giggled thinking  _'Ah.. this is one of the reasons why I fell in love with him"_

"Yes, yes, Your Majesty. I'll be there in a few, so feel free to choose the movie now." The redhead continued arranging the stuff he bought, most of which are dairy products to Kuroko's liking. Well... Akashi would always reprimand him about his dairy consumption but for now, he'll let him indulge while silently hoping that the tealhead can at least find comfort in savoring his favorites.

Soon, there were shuffling sounds coming from the living room, probably Kuroko finally putting on a movie. Around the same time, Akashi also finished his task so he then placed the ice cream pints in a tray with two spoons on the side, grabbing it, plus a tissue holder as he walked towards the living room. No matter how much time passes, Akashi would always find Kuroko sniffing and crying over a movie and so the tissue holder had been a necessity whenever they do this. He inwardly smiled at the thought.

He found Kuroko covered with a blanket, lounging comfortably in the sofa as the movie started with the lights already turned off. Akashi wondered how Kuroko managed to finish his setup earlier than he finished putting away the groceries. But oh well, the tealhead always manage to exceed his expectations, so... yeah, no surprise there.

After Akashi put down the tray in the coffee table, he immediately get inside the blanket covering Kuroko. By instinct, the tealhead readily gave way for the redhead and snuggled into him as soon as he settled. Akashi circled an arm across his back to accommodate him. "You comfortable?", he confirmed and Kuroko just hummed in response.

As soon as Akashi saw the opening scene, he groaned. "This again, Tetsuya?" 

Even if the redhead can't see Kuroko's expression well due to the darkness, he knows that Kuroko is pouting as he retorted. "But I like this movie..."

"But we already watched this for a millionth time." Akashi almost facepalmed. "Why do you like this  _Rise of the Guardians_ that much? It's a child's movie."

Kuroko slapped the redhead's arm as he glared at him. "Rude. I like this, so just play _shogi_ in my bedroom if you don't like it." He then returned his attention to the film once again. 

Akashi just sighed and ruffled the tealhead's locks as if saying  _"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad."_

"...."

The redhead grabbed the vanilla ice cream along with a spoon. As he was opening the lid, Kuroko giggled softly. "This movie reminds me a bit of everyone."

Akashi lifted an eyebrow while offering the first scoop of ice cream on Kuroko's direction. "How so?"

"Well... I dunno how to explain it." He chomped on the ice cream and uttered in a muffled voice. "Kagami-kun is like North." He paused, and savored the remaining vanilla flavor on his mouth before speaking again. "Cause he's like, loud and ' _I'm the best'_ but has a big heart at the same time."

"Midorima-kun is like the Easter Bunny. Cause you know,  _tsundere." ,_ he continued _._

Akashi chuckled, overlapping the images of the Easter Bunny and Midorima in his mind. "I can see that."

"And Kise is like... the tooth fairy." Kuroko sighed exasperatedly as if he remembered something. "Overexcited and a bit clingy."

Akashi partook a spoonful of ice cream before commenting, "Kise is NOT a BIT clingy."

Kuroko just chortled in approval. "Momoi-san is like baby tooth. And, Murasakibara-kun is like a Yeti. Size-wise. And Aomine-kun..." He paused, probably wondering if he should say the next sentence. "Aomine-kun is like Pitch."

"Cause he's dark?" Akashi commented, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.

Kuroko looked at him with amusement along with an  _'I cannot believe you just said that'_ face. "Well yeah... now that you mention it, yes." He smiled a bit. "But to be fair, it was mostly because you need a lot of understanding to get his actions... And he just needs the right people to do that..."

Akashi frowned as he shoved another spoonful of ice cream on Kuroko's mouth.  _This idiot_ still talks about that dried plum fondly as if he never hurted him. It irritated the redhead to the core.

"Hey!!!!! Do you wanna give me a brain freeze?!?!" The tealhead whined, caressing his temples.

"Let me guess, I'm the man on the moon?" The redhead guessed quite confidently. "Cause you're all subservient to me?"

Kuroko stared at him wide-eyed before letting out a hearty laugh. 

"What? Why?" Akashi found himself chuckling alongside Kuroko. After all, his laughter was that contagious. It always was, for Akashi, the most beautiful sound in the world. Even if right now, his chest is being pounded by Kuroko's brutal slaps from laughing too much.

"Akashi-kun, your ego is really something." The redhead sulked a bit as Kuroko wiped the tears in his eyes. "But no, silly." He buried his face in Akashi's chest as he mumbled, "I see you as Jamie." He stayed there for a while, inhaling the redhead's calming scent. "You believed in me even if I was invisible." _Oh... So the tealhead felt like he was Jack Frost. And Akashi was the first child to believe in him..._

The redhead felt... incredibly warm... even after Kuroko parted from him. "You never gave up on me even if I was useless. You stayed by my side... And you continue to spoil me even now." Kuroko smiled brightly as he gazed at him intently and Akashi knew that he was no longer talking about the movie. "You don't have to worry about me too much anymore, Akashi-kun." The tealhead leaned in to place a soft kiss on his cheek. "I promise, I will move forward. Kise-kun who cried for me... Kagami-kun who almost punched Aomine for me... Momoi-san who reprimanded him for being a  _dick..._ Midorima-kun and Takao-kun who sent me my lucky item for the week... Murasakibara-kun who sent me that box of sweets _over there_..., And you, being  _you._ I will use all your feelings as my strength to move forward." He closed his eyes. "I have so much... So much in my life... to get depressed over Aomine-kun. I realized that when you held me while I was crying." The tealhead opened his eyes to reveal a new light on them. "I will focus on the people I love and the people who loves me to get through this." He smiled. "Thank you, Akashi-kun."

Akashi pulled him closer. Hearing him say those words... made him all indescribably giddy and protective inside. And it doesn't matter anymore... It doesn't matter if he'll have Kuroko. It doesn't matter if he doesn't love him back. He simply just wants him to be happy. And if that happiness doesn't include him, he couldn't care any less.  _"I love you... Tetsuya."_

It wasn't supposed to be said out loud. And yet, his mind must have completely blanked out, the words were suddenly blurted out. And Kuroko remained still for a moment, not removing his surprised gaze from the redhead.

_Somehow... Akashi already knew the answer._

There was a long period of silence between them with only the sound of the movie playing to hide the awkwardness in the air. It was then that Kuroko lifted a hand to cover his mouth, stifling a laugh. "Ahh.. sorry, sorry." He immediately said after noticing the deep frown etched on the redhead's face. He slowly put down the hand from his face, and intertwined them with Akashi instead. "It's just that... this is the first time Akashi-kun told me he loves me." He tightened their hold as if being embrassed, himself. "It feels great... and warm. Thank you." Kuroko looked straight at him with a smile. "I love you too, Akashi-kun."

And yes... Akashi already expected those words exiting from the tealhead's mouth. Only he had want it to be said in a different way.  _Meant_ in a different way. It felt more painful than rejection. He wanted to tell him then and there that he was serious. That he desperately and upsettingly want him as much as he wants Aomine. But he can't bring himself to do it. Not when those eyes look at him as if he was the most perfect ally and friend anyone can ask for. That's right.  _An ally. A friend._

And Akashi just let out a sincere smile.  _That doesn't matter anymore._

 

_\-----_

 

"Akashi." Midorima called out as he found Akashi engrossed with a book (probably on economics or business administration) in their college library. He was together with his partner, Takao Kazunari, who'd been clinging to him the entire time.

"Shintarou. Takao." Akashi acknowledged as the two sat in the same table. 

"Have you heard about Kuroko?" The bespectacled man inquired, straight to the point as always.

Akashi tentatively closed the book and gave them his attention. "I did. It's actually quite surprising that I was the last to know." The redhead clicked his tongue. "Even Murasakibara knows. Even  _you_ know."

"Kise just told me and he said not to tell you yet." Midorima said in defense, knowing the implication of his previous statement.

The redhead raised an eyebrow questioningly at that. "Why?"

The greenhead sighed. "Because Kuroko told him not to."

 _Oh..._ "I see." It was probably the same reason why Kuroko kept asking him for reassurances last weekend. He was scared of what he'd do to the tanned male. Well, if it hadn't been for the tealhead's intervention, he really would have done  _something._ Kuroko probably thought that he should be the one to tell him.

"I'm not being insensitive, nanodayo." Midorima adjusted his glasses. "But don't you think this is a chance to finally tell him how you feel?"

"Wha..." Akashi was taken aback. Never did he told anyone about his feelings for Kuroko. He thought that it was only Aomine who knew of it... And when Kuroko and the tanned male became a couple, he was even more determined to keep it to his grave... So how the... "How did you..."

Midorima rolled his eyes. "Please, Akashi. Everybody knows. You even call me when you're drunk to ask for _love advice._ " The redhead almost choked at the revelation. "And if there's any better time to confess, it would be now."

"Yeah. Shin-chan is right, Akashi." Takao added. "We're not saying that you take advantage of his weakness or something. It's just that... if there's someone that can heal him, we know it's you." The raven-haired man carefully threaded his thoughts.

Akashi saw frustration in the greenhead's face as he spoke. "You know how Aomine thoughtlessly said those words to him." He adjusted his glasses once again. "And it's honestly insulting, the way he used that as an excuse for hurting Kuroko, nanodayo."

Takao sighed. "If Shin-chan told me the exact same thing, I would have a hard time recovering from shock." He peered at the greenhead, his eyes upset. "Kuroko-kun must be feeling that he's lacking... And that's not something a  _friend_ or a few words of encouragement can fix."

Akashi pondered for a moment, switching his gaze from Midorima and Takao. "We... already talked." A conflicted expression appeared on his features. "Tetsuya... is strong. He told me he will move forward from now on." 

"He said  _'will'_ Akashi." Midorima argued. "I know Kuroko is strong, but there's only so much one person can do for himself. " The greenhead looked away from Akashi, probably realizing that he's being out of character. "He may be fine now, but he will forever doubt himself unless somebody proved otherwise. And I think the only person fit for that is you, Akashi, nanodayo."

"He only sees me as a friend, Shintarou." Akashi bitterly enunciated.

"That's because you never made a move even once. Would you rather stay as such, without trying?" The greenhead challenged.

"You've loved him for too long, Akashi." Takao intercepted. His tone contained sympathy and a note saying that it had already became unbearable for him. "So why not love him for real this time. Court him. Make him feel special again as much as you think he is." Takao grinned from ear to ear. "You know, I learned this from  _Junjou Romantica_ -"

Midorima facepalmed on the side but Takao chose to continue, ignoring his lover's behavior. "No matter how strongly you feel in your heart, if you don't convey it to the other person, it's meaningless.... Secretly loving and caring for him, what can that do?"

 _So what I'm doing is meaningless, huh... I think so too..._ Akashi curiously looked at them both. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Akashi..." Midorima paused, turning red that he promptly glanced at Takao's direction as if he was asking for help.

"What Shin-chan wants to say is that, it's because you guys are our friends." Takao lovingly linked his arm with his partner's. "We don't want you both suffering, when you both can have a happy ending."

Midorima coughed uncontrollably. "That's not it Takao!!! I'm just sick of Akashi calling me to talk about Kuroko when he's drunk!!" His protests appeared weak due to the even growing blush on his cheeks. "And Aomine's reason makes me sick, he's every non-standard couple's enemy!"

"Hai. Hai. Shin-chan. I know you're just embarrassed." Takao teased while poking Midorima's cheek. "That's what you said yesterday."

"I did not, nanodayo!!" The greenhead still argued.

Akashi can't help but smile at the display in front of him. "...Thank you." He just whispered, probably unheard by the bickering couple.

 

\-----

 

"KUROKOCCHIIIII!!!!!!!" Kise wailed as soon as he spotted Kuroko standing in the front door of their classroom. The blond immediately jumped onto him, crushingly hugging him while crying. "I missed you. I missed you." He was about to kiss the tealhead when Kagami pulled him away from him.

"BAKA!!!! Why are you not answering our calls?" Kagami was screaming at the top of his lungs that Kuroko swore that the veins from his neck could pop any time due to anger. "We were worried sick!!!" Kagami pointed to Kise. "Look at this idiot's face, he looks terrible, his agency even banned him from the studio until he gets some beauty rest. All because he can't sleep wondering how you are doing!"

Kise pushed Kagami away. "You say that Kagamicchi but you look a lot worse than me!" The blond pointed to Kagami as well. "This idiot was almost imprisoned because a child thought he was a kidnapper!! Imagine this brute zombie-ing in the streets with that horrible, awful face!!"

Loud running footsteps interrupted them. "My Tetsu-kun senses are tingling!!!!!"

Momoi hugged Tetsu as soon as her figure came into view. 

"I can't breathe, Momoi-san" Kuroko just murmured as he was forcibly pushed to the ground by the strength of the hug.

"Momocchi!!! You're hurting him." Kise nagged as he's trying to remove Kuroko from the excited female's grasp.

"Tetsu-kuuuunnn!!!! I was soo lonely without youuuuu!!!" Momoi crowed as they slowly stood up but still not letting go of the tealhead. "Please don't do that again, Tetsu-kun, my heart can't take it..."

Kuroko patted her back. Everyone stared at him as he visibly wore a pained expression, his conscience mocking him for neglecting his worried friends. "I...I'm sorry everyone... I just... I..."

"You guys are blocking the entrance." A bored, familiar voice broke their conversation.

"YOU DICK!!!" Momoi immediately growled like the overprotective friend she is.

It was Aomine.

At the sight of him, Kuroko stood frozen. It had been a week since he last saw the tanned male. And he thought... _he thought_ that he will no longer have this effect on him. But he was wrong. So wrong.  _It still hurts... Everything hurts._ The only thing he's praying for right now is that his tear ducts won't betray him this time. Because  _oh god, how he missed him. He missed him so much._ He just wants to hug him... Hug him so badly. He wants to hold him... And he hates it... Hate how much his mind urges him to just _beg him_ , saying _'P_ _lease... please.. don't let me go...'_ He felt extremely pathetic...  _miserable._

_Akashi-kun..._

"Tetsu." Aomine turned to him, ignoring the glares of Kise, Kagami and Momoi.

Kagami placed himself in front of Kuroko and Aomine. "What do you still want, Ahomine?"

"We won't allow you to get near him again, Ahominecchi." Kise added.

"So noisy." The tanned male commented, picking his ears with his pinky finger. He nonchalantly went inside the classroom but before reaching his desk, he declared.  _"Tetsu, let's talk after school."_

 

\-----

 

_"That's because he still regards you as his bestfriend. And that's already a handicap."_

_"You've been casually doing almost coupl-y things that Kuroko can't even distinguish you as a love interest."_

_"What to do? That's simple. Make him see you as a man."_

Akashi sighed heavily as he remembered the conversation between him and the couple. They say make Kuroko see him as a man, but he doesn't even know how that's possible. After all, he's suffering in the first place because Kuroko  _can't_ see him any other than a friend.

He let himself fall in his bed, wondering what to do next.

_"First things first, take him somewhere this coming spring break."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any grammar mistakes and such, please tell me :) Any constructive criticism is much appreciated as well. Thank you!


	3. So why don't we just play pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think after part 4, there will be a short, short epilogue. :) But I'm still thinking if I should include it in part 4. But let's see what will happen ^-^

"Akashi..kun...Are...we...there yet..?" Kuroko huffed as he desperately latched onto the hand Akashi offered him as if it was the only lifeline to prevent him from collapsing of exhaustion.

Hours of trailing this cursed mountain and the tealhead had been repeatedly asking himself what'd gotten into him that he proposed going somewhere  _"high"_ when Akashi asked him weeks ago where he wanted to go for spring break.

 _But of course Kuroko, that proposition in itself already spells mountains,_ he mentally scolded himself, feeling his last ounce of stamina draining... again. They started traversing the mountain at the break of dawn but he bets it's already near sundown after all the detours aka short (long) breaks they made to accommodate his ever  _reliable_ stamina.

He feels kinda awful that they're quite a bit behind schedule all because of him. Not to mention that Akashi even offered to carry all their belongings so that the tealhead could just focus on  _"breathing evenly"._ He was probably worried that he might pass out any moment, he even suggested to give him a piggyback ride. But no, he refused cause just _how??_ And he just had to laugh at how much the redhead could really act like a  _mother hen._ But oh well,  _Akashi-kun is Akashi-kun_ no matter what and the tealhead would always love him as is.

Speaking of which, he'd never seen Akashi gasped for air, or even broke a sweat.  _Is his stamina that limitless?!?_ The tealhead sulked.

"We're here Tetsuya." Akashi gave him one final pull out of the forest slope and into a grassy clearing. _F_ _inally,_ the summit. 

As soon as he stepped out of the slope, the tealhead's eyes widened.  _"No kidding...."_

_..._

Akashi observed as the tealhead's eyes twinkle in delight upon seeing the breathtaking view of a bed of clouds blanketing the whole view below them as if they were on top of the world. The mountain's summit seemed like a diving board where one could just jump and take a plunge into those fluffy-looking cotton candies, only that it will _definitely_ _not_ cushion their fall. And it truly was _a magnificent view._ "We're lucky we were able to catch a glimpse of the sea of clouds." He commented, appreciating the sight along with the tealhead. "They say it's purely by chance that it will show up perfectly."

Kuroko ran ahead enthusiastically and upon stopping, lifted his arms sideways as if embracing the cold air. And Akashi just smiled fondly seeing how the smaller male's mood finally changed from when they were still climbing. "Look, look, Akashi-kun..!!!! The clouds are falling!!!" The tealhead turned to him, pointing somewhere ahead like an excited child.

_And maybe... just maybe.. he quite... kinda... sorta... wanna.... kiss him._

"Akashi-kun. Hurry up. Hurry up!!" Kuroko bounced, grinning.

_Okay, screw that. He wants to kiss him, okay? He wants to kiss him so bad. So... so bad that he's going insane._

 

_\----_

 

"I'm gonna make this my wallpaper." Kuroko happily hummed as he and Akashi were both comfortably laying on their stomachs in a blanket outside the tent they've just set up. The tent was supposedly meant to cover themselves during the day but it seems that they're gonna be using it to spend the night, considering how left behind they are on the schedule. And it will be quite dangerous trailing the mountain when it's dark.

Akashi glanced at the tealhead's phone and saw that he already made a picture of them, Kuroko posing with a "V" sign with Akashi beside him, as his wallpaper. "Why that? You can't even see the view." The redhead asked, confused.

"It's a secret." Kuroko smiled, swinging his legs as he returned his phone in his bag's pocket. He then placed a piece of orange - Akashi peeled - in his mouth, continuing, "Speaking of which, are we the only ones here?"

"Why, I reserved it, of course." The redhead peered at him as if the answer was obvious.

"What?!? Is that even possible??" Kuroko screeched, thinking " _unbelievable"._

"But of course... you just have to fill in all the other spots." The redhead innocently replied, placing a piece of orange in his mouth as well.

Kuroko just facepalmed. "You rich, little..." The redhead just shrugged indifference at that and the tealhead sighed. "Well, I'm kinda grateful for that though..." A soft smile suddenly surfaced his features as if he was remembering something.

"Why?" The redhead lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, I've always wanted to do this..." Kuroko unsteadily stood up and placed both of his hands around his mouth. He inhaled a mouthful of air as he shouted "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Akashi just watched as the tealhead let out an outburst and he kinda giggled at how _cute_ he sounded.

"AKASHI-KUN IS A SCISSORS PSYCHOPATH NAPOLEON WITH A BIG EGO!!!!", he continued.

"Hey!" Akashi grumbled, "I may be 173 centimeters but I'm 173 centimeters of perfection."

Kuroko just rolled his eyes at that, laughing. "KISE-KUN IS AN ANNOYING BANANA!!!" He followed up as soon as he grabbed the redhead, urging him to stand up as well. "C'mon join me." Akashi stood up, fondly watching Kuroko having fun.

"MIDORIMA-KUN IS A  _TSUNDERE!!!!"_ The redhead swore that that is not an insult, but an established fact but he still didn't utter a word, silently observing the tealhead's changing expressions. "You're not gonna shout anything, Akashi-kun?" He innocently asked.

_No, Tetsuya. The only thing I want to shout to the world is the fact that I love you. And I'm too scared that I might just say that right now and because of that, you'll stray far away from me._

Akashi shook his head and Kuroko took that as his cue to continue. "KAGAMI-KUN IS AN IDIOT BRUTE!!!!!" He giggled once more.

"AOMINE-KUN IS AN EVEN BIGGER IDIOT!!!" Akashi deeply frowned at the sudden mention of the tanned male. "AHO, AOMINE-KUN!!!!!" And there was no smile left in the tealhead's face anymore.

"AOMINE-KUN, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!" He yelled even louder and Akashi saw his expression contorting into that of anguish. And just... agony, once more... And then, it occurred to Akashi that maybe, maybe the reason why Kuroko proposed to go somewhere  _high_ is just to do this. 

"I HATE YOU!!!" He saw the tealhead bit his lower lip, probably preventing himself from crying. "I HATE YOU AHOMINE-KUN!!!!!"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!??!" Kuroko's voice was trembling and Akashi had the strongest urge to just hold him in his arms... but he realize that it's best to leave him be for now.

_For they were both dying inside..._

"YOU'RE SO SELFISH!!!" The tealhead once again blurted out, his arms falling to his side, hands forming into fists. "But I love you... Aomine-kun..." He whispered, words forming into sobs. And Akashi tried his best to keep his expression from changing even though he felt as if his heart is once again breaking into tiny million pieces and he's slowly picking them all up. "I love you that I don't know what to do anymore..."

_But I'm in love with you as well, Tetsuya... Won't you look this way?_

Kuroko turned to him, "I'm sorry, Akashi-kun... I know I promised I will move forward." He whispered agonizingly. "But I don't think I will soon."

The redhead finally pulled him into a quiet hug, stroking his soft locks.  _That's all right, Tetsuya... You've tried hard... As long as you will... Take your time._

_\----_

 

That night, they spent their remaining time stargazing while holding each other's hands. Huddled together in two layers of blanket, a portable heater on the side, they talked about stars and constellations.  _A Walk to Remember, The Fault in our Stars._ Aliens and conspiracy theories. The places they want to visit next. 

And when a falling star came into view, both of them uttered their respective wishes. 

_"What did you wish for, Tetsuya?"_

_"I wished that Akashi-kun will never leave my side."_

_Akashi smiled as he thought, "I wished that I could stay by your side forever too."_

 

_\----_

 

Early in the morning, they started climbing down which turned out to be much, much easier for Kuroko. His only problem was that he's too clumsy, he might have slid down a lot of times, but Akashi was always there to lead him, he didn't have any problems. 

"Ahhh... that was refreshing." Kuroko exclaimed as they were already on the mountain's receiving area, returning their trekking supplies. "Thank you Akashi-kun."

Akashi just ruffled his hair with a fond smile. He led him to the lobby where he could rest for a while. "I'll get the car. Wait for me here."

"Will do." The tealhead acknowledged as he watched Akashi's retreating figure.

He was about to grab some magazines under the coffee table when two excited females approached him. "Ano... please excuse us."

"How can I help you?" The tealhead politely asked.

"A-are you and the red-haired guy together?" One of them hesitantly asked.

Kuroko felt his face heating up at the question.  _Is that how others see them?_ "No! No. We're not!" He denied, panickedly waving his hands in front of him.

The other girl sighed. "I'm glaaaddd."

"Now ask him about that, Yuki-chii!!" Her friend almost squealed and Kuroko became confused about what's happening.

"Is it fine if I get his number from you?" The girl named  _'Yuki'_ blushed like a tomato.

_Oh... she's attracted to Akashi-kun..._

"No." The words already exited the tealhead's mouth before he can think about it.  _Huh?_

"Ehhhh.... Why not???" 'Yuki's' friend whined.

"A-ah. I mean, I can't just give A-Akashi-kun's phone number l-like that," He immediately explained, feeling quite ashamed of his previous response.

"Akashi? As in  _the Akashi's?_ " 'Yuki's' eyes widened. "That's why I thought he looked familiar, I've seen him on TV!!" She squealed at the realization.

_Oh... that's right... Akashi-kun's family is quite influential in this country._

A sudden wet feeling permeated his left cheek and Kuroko turned, realizing that it was Akashi who placed a kiss on his cheek. " _Love,_ sorry I'm late. Care to introduce me to your female  _friends?_ " His tone was a bit guarded, as if staking his claim.  _On what though?_

"A-akashi-san." The female stuttered and Akashi's expression changed to that of confused, probably wondering how and why the female knew of his name.

"Ah. Akashi-kun, these beautiful ladies here were just wondering if they could have your phone number." Kuroko saw Akashi flinch before turning to the two blushing females.

"My sincerest apologies, but I don't think my  _boyfriend_ would appreciate that." The redhead smiled sweetly as he placed an arm on Kuroko's waist and pulled him closer.  _H-Huh?!?!?_

"A-Akashi-kun...!!!" Kuroko gasped as soon as the two female's jaws dropped.

"It's Sei-kun,  _love._ " The redhead fake sulked. "Are you still upset of what I did?" He placed another kiss on Kuroko but on his forehead this time. "Don't worry, I'll be more gentle with you next time. So please say _Sei-kun._

"Akashi-kun, what -" Kuroko felt his face heating up, his chest unexplainably beating fast.

" _Sei-kun._ Or do you want me to force it out of you again,  _love._ " He grinned as his eyes turned predatory. "That can easily be arranged."

" _Sei-kun._ " The tealhead finally said with a small voice, his heart audibly hammering in his chest.

Akashi cleared his throat and once again turned to the females, giving them his award-winning smile. "Now if you'll excuse us, ladies. I still have to  _take care_ of my _beautiful lover_."

Kuroko could swear he saw the two ladies nosebleeding before they left the establishment.

 

\----

 

"That was embarassing, Sei-ku - I mean, Akashi-kun!!!!" Kuroko wailed on the drive home, covering his entire face. He's probably all red right now, remembering the incident which occurred just a couple of minutes ago. "Why did you do that?!?"

"They were looking at you weirdly." Akashi pouted, not removing his gaze from the road.

"As I said, you don't need to be overprotective all the time! And they were interested in you!" Kuroko protested, feeling like he's reasoning out with a child. 

"You were about to give them my number." Akashi sulked, ignoring the tealhead's scolding.

"I was not! I declined them, okay?" Kuroko snarled.

"But you don't care if I give it to them. You even relayed the message to me in front of them." The redhead croaked. Add in a little  _'Hmmmpphh'_ and he will completely look like a child having a fit.

The tealhead looked at him with disbelief. "I cannot believe you,  _Akashi Seijuurou._ " He just shook his head and placed his hands in front of him as a sign of surrender. "But please.. please don't do that again..." He started caressing his temples. "I thought my heart was gonna explode."

"Really?" A big smile was plastered on the redhead's face when Kuroko glanced in his direction. He felt as if his tone sounded giddy... and quite hopeful. "Then maybe I should do that more often."

"AKASHI SEIJUUROU!!!" And Akashi just laughed out loud at that.

After sighing a few times, Kuroko softly spoke. "You know, Akashi-kun... I started to wonder..."

At his serious tone, Akashi glanced at him a bit before returning to driving. "What?"

"You've always been popular ever since we were young. You always excelled at everything. Your family is influential. You have everything." The tealhead gritted his teeth. "Then why are you wasting your time on me...?"

The redhead loudly clicked his tongue. "Don't spout that crap on my face, Tetsuya. I've never even once thought that I'm wasting my time on you. You're insulting me."

Kuroko felt his face heating up. "Then... why are you staying by my side...?"

"Do you really need to ask, Tetsuya?" Akashi spoke fondly. "I don't know... I just... I love how you stubbornly defy me every time. I love how you insist on drinking hot vanilla every morning. I love how you scrunch your nose every time I wake you up. I love how you crawl into a ball, not wanting to leave your comforters during winter. Do I really need to have a reason for that?" He chuckled. "But if you'd insist, it would probably take a long time for me to tell you my every _reason_."

Kuroko internally panicked, unsure of what to make of the warmth the redhead is providing him. "T-thank you." He dropped his head to hide his embarassment.

"Besides, we vowed to make each other happy when we were young, didn't we?" Akashi continued.

"Is... is that... why you also talked to Aomine-kun?" Kuroko peered at him.

_"...Aomine-kun... told me to wait for him."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the mountain's view is kinda like:
> 
> *https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQKWKJqDc5n1QcZoBHg1e5su4Kbzvctj9nyF4PnuV_KAGjNGbOT-rEH2EsM
> 
> or
> 
> *http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Rawx6nJeyI/VfnUCAxZSVI/AAAAAAAAZXY/a6NR9CeIpXI/s1200/sea_of_clouds_pulag.jpg
> 
> :)
> 
> I'll update the next part soon ^-^ Though I have to say, I'm having trouble writing it. (/'-_-) I think it will just be 4 parts + an epilogue. Or 5 parts + an epilogue but I guess I'll know once I'm done writing it. :)
> 
> Thank you for reading again!  
>    
>  **UPDATE:** I'll update the 4th part on Saturday maximum!! >.< I'm really sorry! This week had been really hectic for me (/'-_-)


	4. Like we're not scared of what is coming next, or scared of having nothing left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry >o< I adjusted it to 5 parts nao. But that would really be it. I was trying to finish it in here but I guess I can't. 
> 
> Sorry I was late :( Actually, a lot of things been happening now and I don't even know how to start (/'-_-) But thank you for your patience!!
> 
> The sentences enclosed in [ ] are song lyrics. They are supposed to play on the background. :)
> 
> Song: All I ask by Adele.

**_"Wait for me, Tetsu."_ **

**_"I've been thinking a lot lately... And I honestly don't know what answer I'm gonna arrive at... hell, I don't even know how long this's gonna take... But please wait for me..."_**  
  
**_"Don't fall for anybody else. Stay in love with me."_**  
  
Their drive back home was silent. The atmosphere suddenly turned heavy at the mention of Aomine's name. Akashi never spoke after that. He didn't ask him anything. He never even glanced at his direction as if he hadn't heard a thing... His eyes just seemed lost as it never left the road. The silence was deafening and somehow, _somehow Kuroko felt downhearted._.. It was the worst way to end a happy trip and he was to blame.   
  
**_"I know I'm asking for too much, but I seriously love you, you know!! It's driving me insane thinking that somebody else might take you away..."_**  
  
Aomine told him that he met up with Akashi some time last month... And it seems that whatever happened back then provoked the tanned male to a certain degree that he started reconsidering his decision. Akashi... may have been trying to bring them back together. But if that's the case, then why does he seem upset right now...?  
  
**_"I... still can't guarantee you that I'll choose you in the end. Even then, Tetsu... If I decide that I'd choose you over anything... please be there... I want you to be there..."_**  
  
When they arrived, the redhead immediately helped him unload his baggages to the living area but still didn't utter a single word. _Is he really... mad?_ Sometimes, Kuroko just can't understand Akashi's train of thoughts. Right now, all he knows is that the redhead is frustrated over something and when he is, a quiet Akashi is even much, much worse than an authoritative one.  
  
**_"When that happens, let's start all over again... I will make up for all the pain I've caused you.."_**  
  
**_"Just please... please... wait for me."_**  
  
"Akashi-kun... I'm sorry."  
  
...  
  
Akashi abruptly turned to the tealhead right after hearing those words as if he was just snapped back to reality. It seems that he'd been too consumed by his thoughts that he completely set up his own world, brooding over the tealhead's words. _How terribly unsightly_... "Why... are you apologizing?"  
  
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have mentioned Aomine-kun." His eyes were downcast and the redhead felt a little guilty for giving him the wrong idea.  
  
_No... you didn't do anything wrong, Tetsuya..._  
  
"Did he do or say anything to anger you? I'm sorry, I was insensitive..."  
  
_It wasn't your fault..._  
  
When the tealhead mentioned that Aomine asked him to wait for him, Akashi felt like he finally stumbled upon a dead end. A dead end that he already foresaw from the very beginning. And yet... he was still overcame with a negative swirl of emotions he didn't ask for... Insecurity, jealousy, pain, frustrations, defeat... _It was devastating..._  
  
From Day 1, the redhead already knew that he's no match with Aomine in terms of Kuroko's affection... And he told himself a hundred times that he just wishes for Kuroko's happiness... It was the truth. It was how he always felt... _So why...?_ Why does his heart ache this much..? Why does he want to tell him to forget about Aomine and just choose him _. Choose him_... And choose him every time cause he can be more than Aomine was. He felt like a hypocrite... He felt _pathetic_...  
  
_I just don't want to let go of you yet... Is that so wrong, Tetsuya...?_  
  
"But I really just want you to know how much I really, really appreciate everything you do, Akashi-kun..." The tealhead grabbed a hold of his hand and gave it a soft squeeze.  
  
_No, don't thank me..._  
  
"You even talked to him because you were trying to get us back together, don't you?" His lips curled into a small upward curve.  
  
_I don't want you to get back together..._  
  
"Thank you, I appreciate that..."  
  
_Stop, Tetsuya..._  
  
"Maybe, maybe... I'll give Aomine-kun and I a shot, for you as well."  
  
_Don't...!!!_  
  
Kuroko slowly released Akashi's hand, only for the taller male to hastily grab his wrist, grasping it quite tighly. "No...!!"  
  
The tealhead intently stared at him, confused. "W-What...?"  
  
"Don't, Tetsuya... Don't wait for Aomine..." The redhead gritted his teeth. "It's true... I originally talked to him to change his mind. But I... I don't want that anymore." He almost whispered.  
  
"Akashi...kun?"  
  
"I..." Akashi exhaled the breath he never knew he'd been holding. _I love you. I love you, that's why_. "I... love you, okay...?" He felt his chest achingly hammering as if he had just ran a hundred miles. And he felt extremely terrified... terrified of what's coming next.  
  
The tealhead's expression turned to that of utterly baffled. "I... but I don't understand...? I love Akashi-kun too... but what are we talking about aga-"  
  
"That's not it, Tetsuya!!!" The redhead interrupted him, gripping onto his wrist even tighter. "I... I've always... always thought that lazing around the couch with you... snuggling in the comforters, reading novels during winter... even pulling you out from your bed when it's past noon... are the best parts of my life."  
  
He slowly released Kuroko's wrist, letting his hands drop on his sides. "You know why...?" His hands balled into fists like he was gathering courage from that simple act. "Cause I'm hopelessly in love with you..." He meekly peered into the tealhead's eyes. "Just thinking about you torments me... I think of you when you're happy, I suffer when you're sad. I think of you every minute, I see you in every thing I do, that's why I... I hurt every day because I love you so much..."  
  
_And because I know I can't have you..._  
  
"What... are you..." Kuroko stood frozen, his eyes avoiding contact with the taller male's. It was probably difficult for him to take in Akashi's sudden declaration and the redhead doesn't really expect him to accept this all of a sudden.

_I'm sorry... Tetsuya..._

For a moment, Akashi also remained unmoving, his gaze still lingering on the tealhead's stupefied form. If he had any regrets for his sudden outburst, it's already too late... there's nothing more he can do...

Just then, a sudden loud ringing interrupted their silence. Akashi clicked his tongue as he recognized that it was his. "Sorry, please let me just take this call."  
  
The tealhead just slowly nodded.  
  
Akashi turned around as he picked up the call. _"Yes, father."_

...  
  
_"Yes, then I'll see you there tonight."_

...  
  
_"Yes."_

_..._

_"Understood, goodbye."_  
  
When the redhead turned back to Kuroko, his expression was apologetic. "I'm sorry, Tetsuya. I need to get back home. My father summoned me."  
  
"A-ah, yes, yes. Don't worry." The tealhead waved a hand in front of him to give him reassurance.  
  
Just as the redhead was about to reach out a hand to cup his cheek, Kuroko slightly backed away, his expression unchanged but his eyes were noticeably wider than usual. Akashi stopped while his hands are mid-air.  
  
_I made a mistake..._  
  
As he slowly brought the neglected hand down, he gave him a timid smile, hiding the cruel pain and regret he felt. "See you later, Tetsuya..."  
  
_I ruined 'us'..._

 

\----

 

Kuroko laggardly picked up the stem of purple hyacinths in his doorstep. This is the 5th hyacinth flower in a row, all containing a different note each day. Today it simply says:

 _I will come see you again._  
_\- A_  
  
The tealhead sighed as he closed the door behind him. He headed towards the kitchen to place the flower along with the others in the dining table's vase. Once satisfied by the display, he finally sat on one of the chairs, inspecting the plates of food in front of him. His lips curled into a small smile as soon as he saw a mug of hot vanilla on the side, even though it's probably cold by now...  
  
_Ahhh... I've never realized how much I've depended on him..._  
  
Kuroko placed his hands in front of him and lightly bowed as he whispered. "Itadakimasu."  
  
It's been a week since he last saw Akashi face-to-face. Recently, whenever the redhead visits him, he just prepares breakfast and immediately leaves without seeing him. It was his fault though... After Akashi told him about his feelings, Kuroko just can't bring himself to look straight back at him... The next day, he locked himself up in his room, refusing to face the redhead. And that's probably when he resigned to just cooking for him.  
  
_I'm sorry... Akashi-kun..._  
  
_What can he do...?_ Ever since that day, he'd been feeling strange sensations he never thought he'd experience with the redhead. He feels... strangely fidgety and uneasy... At times, his chest would suddenly tighten at the thought of Akashi and he just doesn't know if it's pain or giddiness he's feeling...  
  
_"That's why I... I hurt every day because I love you so much..."_  
  
Kuroko accidentally dropped his chopsticks as he felt his face heating up and his heart painfully speeding up. He brought both of his hands to cover his face. _What is this...?_ Everything feels unexplainably weird... _Can somebody really feel this messed up with just a single confession?_  
  
_I don't know anymore..._  
  
He stood up to get a glass of water and saw two sticky notes neatly placed on the refrigerator. One says _"Drink slowly. You might choke."_ The other _"There's vanilla ice cream, but don't eat it all in one go, okay?"_  
  
Upon seeing that, he went around the house and saw several other notes placed everywhere. The bathroom... the sofa... the oven... the television... _everywhere_. How could he not notice it a while ago? _Akashi-kun, really..._ He just chuckled inwardly at how the redhead could really be such a nagger. Akashi probably couldn't help not reprimanding Kuroko anymore, he had to do this. The tealhead had to applaud him for lasting several days though. That was quite long. _Like, seriously._  
  
_Yeah... he was really such a nag_ _..._ Kuroko suddenly dropped his head at the realization. "Can we really not go back to those days... Akashi-kun...?"  
  
  
\----

  
"Kurokocchi!!! Let's go together, together, okay?" Kuroko almost hanged his phone up after hearing Kise's yammering early in the morning. The blond had always been an early riser and has a habit of calling people up as early as the sun shines. _Uggghhhh..._  
  
"It's 6am, Kise-kun... _Again_..." The tealhead simply mumbled as he slowly blinked away his sleepiness to accomodate the blond.  
  
"Ah~ Sorry. Sorry, Kurokocchi. Did I disturb you?" His voice didn't even sound the least guilty. In fact, he still sounded quite delighted.  
  
The tealhead stifled a yawn as he rubbed his eyes. " _No_... What is this about, Kise-kun?"  
  
"Nijimura-senpai asked me to relay the message for you. Let's all go together for his birthday party!!" Kuroko swears that the blond almost squealed in excitement.  
  
"Nijimura-senpai's birthday?" The tealhead repeated, now completely awake. "So he's back from the States, that's great. Who are we?"  
  
"Well, mostly everyone from our former basketball team." He paused for a short while before continuing. "Except for Ahominecchi of course... but I guess Nijimura-senpai also invited him, so he may be there."  
  
"...." _Aomine-kun, huh..._  
  
"But don't worry Kurokocchi!! We'll all be together and we will not allow him to go _'Let's talk, Tetsu.'_ ever again!!" Kuroko can't help but smile fondly as he remembered Kise clinging tightly onto him, wailing and telling him not to go when he was about to have a talk with Aomine weeks ago.

"Ah ~ my manager's here. I'll text you the details, Kurokocchi. See you soon! Bye."  
  
"Bye, Kise-kun." He briefly acknowledged before hanging up.

 _Ah... This picture..._ His wallpaper instantly greeted him as soon as he ended the call. It was _that_  picture of him and Akashi in the mountains. "You really look so different when you're smiling widely..." The tealhead smiled gently as his chest was filled with a bittersweet feeling. 

Akashi always had that special place in his heart. He was always his special friend, mentor, protector, partner-in-crime... But apart from that, he never really thought about seeing him in a different light... He'd never seen him as someone whom he can fall in love with...

For Kuroko, Akashi doesn't feel like a lover, but.. he's kinda much, much more important than one...  _Does that even make sense..?_

 _How to put it...?_  Aomine makes his heart clench... Akashi calms him... Aomine gives him butterflies... Akashi makes him feel safe... Losing Aomine is horribly painful... But if he loses Akashi... it feels like... he'll lose everything... Akashi... is special like that. And yes, he definitely and absolutely loves him... _But can it the same way as one would love a lover...?_

Kuroko sighed heavily as he dialed someone's number. _"Hello, Kagami-kun? When are you free?"_

 

\----

 

A flushed Akashi was the last thing Kuroko had in mind when the doorbell rang at exactly 2 am. The redhead... looked so sullen that Kuroko just felt his chest clench. Asides from the fact that it's been quite long since he last saw Akashi face-to-face, he knows that the guy only drinks when something heavy is bothering him. And at times like this is when he is most vulnerable... times when he acts like the child he never got to be ever since his mother died.

He used to curl up into a ball in Kuroko's bed and the tealhead would just embrace him and stroke his hair until he falls asleep. And they were both content back then... But right now... no matter what happens, no matter what resolution they'd agree upon, _they can't go back the same way anymore. It's just sad..._

"Can I...Can I come in?" His tone almost sounded like a plead that Kuroko's heart almost broke.

"Y-yes." He simply answered.

The redhead only gave him a conflicted smile as acknowledgement. The tealhead then assisted his staggering form towards the sofa in the living room.

"I missed you, Tetsuya..." Akashi whispered as he thoughtlessly sprawled on the sofa. "You look beautiful, as always..."

Kuroko flinched but ignored the unknown emotion in his chest as he made his way towards the kitchen to prepare something for his hangover.

To be honest, he was still not completely prepared to face the redhead... He's still agonizing over what to do... even how to act in front of him... He still doesn't know what to make of his current emotions... And he's extremely terrified of what comes next after all this is over...  _All he knows is he doesn't want to lose Akashi. But would that be wishing for too much...?_

The tealhead rummaged through his supply cabinet. _What to prepare?_ Probably tea or his favorite tofu soup. Does he have enough ingredients though?

Just when he was about to bring down Akashi's favorite tea leaves, a sudden, soft music filled the rooms.

 _[I will leave my heart at the door]_  
  
Kuroko just sighed. The redhead always had that habit of playing with appliances whenever he's drunk. The last time was quite dangerous... He almost spun himself in a washing machine if Kuroko didn't made it in time.  
  
_[I won't say a word... They've all been said before, you know]_  
  
This time... well, it's quite harmless with only the music player... But it's 2 in the morning, they might be disturbing the neighbors. _Akashi-kun...really..._  
  
_[So why don't we just play pretend.]_

The tealhead made his way back to the living room only to find Akashi sitting upfront, swaying his upper body and swinging a finger like an orchestra conductor. He turned to him with a smile of a child.  _"I like this song..."_

Kuroko can't help but smile at the sight.

 _[Like we're not scared of what is coming next or scared of having nothing left...]_  
  
"Cmon, Tetsuya, let's dance." Akashi staggered as he approached the tealhead tipsily while giving him a small smile. He pulled both of Kuroko's hands and placed them on his shoulder. He then encircled his arms on the tealhead's waist and slowly moved closer.

 _[Look, don't get me wrong. I know, there is no tomorrow...]_  
  
"Akashi-kun...you should rest..." Kuroko was suddenly overcame by the urge to cry...  _What's happening to him...?_ These past few days felt like years... Having the redhead this close... feeling his usual warmth... made him feel strangely relieved. He just wants him to stay there.  _Don't go anywhere..._  
  
_[All I ask is...]_  
  
When they started to slowly sway with the music, the tealhead gently leaned his head on Akashi's chest. "Akashi-kun can still dance well even if he's drunk..." That earned a low chuckle from the redhead. "So unfair." Kuroko grinned as he let his arms slid from Akashi's shoulders to his upper back. From their position, he can hear the rythmic beating of the redhead's heart just fine...  _and it just felt...nice._

 _[If this is my last night with you]_  
  
"If this is my last night with you..." The redhead gently hummed along the song as he readjusted himself, encircling one arm over the tealhead's shoulder to "embrace" him back.  
  
_[Hold me like I'm more than just a friend]_  
  
"Hold me like I'm more than just a friend..." Kuroko felt as if he was being lulled by Akashi's gentle voice as he slowly closed his eyes, comforted by the redhead's steady heartbeat. _This is how it always had been..._  "Isn't Akashi-kun tired?" The redhead just pulled him closer as response.   
  
_[Give me a memory I can use]_  
  
"Give me a memory I can use..." Akashi placed a soft kiss on the top of his hair. And Kuroko just felt conflicted once again. He was used to such gestures by the redhead before... But right now, such actions by Akashi made him feel restless... and fuzzy. It feels...  _different.. just different..._  
  
_[Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do]_  
  
"Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do." Kuroko didn't realize that he was already clinging into him tighter as he got absorbed by his thoughts, inhaling his scent. He smelled of mint, dust and alcohol but the tealhead couldn't care any less. His smell, no matter how much it changes from day to day, always had a different effect on him.  _It made him feel safe..._  
  
_[It matters how this ends]_  
  
"It matters how this ends..." Their sway slowly came to a stop and Kuroko raised his head to peer at the redhead questioningly.  
  
_['Cause what if I never love again_ _?]_

"Cause what if I never love... again...?" Akashi softly murmured the last line of the chorus and Kuroko felt the redhead slowly releasing his small frame. He gazed at him with agony as he spoke, 

_"Tetsuya, I love you..."_

Kuroko felt his heart speeding up, his whole face igniting with heat as Akashi repeated those lines. _What is this..?_ He's really going crazy here...  _What is Akashi to him? What are these crazy mini heart attacks?_

_Is he just confused? Is he just embarassed?_

_"I love you."_ The redhead uttered as if a prayer. _"I love you..."_

Kuroko held a hand to his chest as if saying _'Hush...'_ He just doesn't understand why things have to be so complicated. 

 _"I love you..."_  Akashi placed a hand to cup Kuroko's cheek, his gaze unwavering.

"Akashi-kun... I-I..." Kuroko hesitantly held his gaze, unsure of how to respond.

In his state of conflict, the redhead suddenly leaned in to greedily claim his lips. "Hhnnn!!!"

The kiss he gave him was soft and gentle but desperate at the same time. The way the redhead slowly probed his lips, his hands sliding down to caress his neck, sent electric discharges around Kuroko's body that his knees felt weak. Akashi held him tighter, supporting his weight to prevent him from falling. "Hhnnn... A-Akashi...kun..." The tealhead can't help but groan and the next moment, the redhead is kissing him with intense fervor.

Kuroko didn't feel the need to push him away. His sense of reason completely melted away the moment the redhead parted his lips and his soft, warm tongue danced with his. He tasted addictingly  _sweet_ despite the alcohol and the tealhead cannot think straight anymore... He held onto him desperately and before he knew it, he started responding to his kisses as he opened his mouth to grant him more access. The redhead softly moaned and Kuroko thought that he sounded extremely...  _sexy. It was so wrong..._

Kuroko didn't realize how painful his heart had been hammering in his chest all until Akashi's lips left his. _I don't want to lose him..._ There are so many bubbling emotions inside him right now that he doesn't even know where to start.  _What do I really..._

For a moment, they only stared at each other before Akashi placed another soft kiss on his lips. Then into his cheeks. The bridge of his nose. And lastly, on his forehead before he gazed into him again.

_[It matters how this ends... Cause what if I never love... again...?]_

_"Tetsuya... I'm leaving..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried... :( But I'm not sure if you're gonna like it. ToT I think that this is actually quite... well, not that good... But well... ToT I'm sorry, orz
> 
> It's also my first kiss scene. I dunno how it turned out. I'm sorry!!! Please don't throw rocks at me huhuhu


	5. All I ask is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really sorry minna... ToT Please forgive me... These past few weeks had been hell for me. Laifu had been hard fo me huhuhu. This is waaayyy overdue. And this might not be the best of work cause this is the only time I’ve got. And I’ll answer you guys once I’m done with this. I’m really, really sorry *bows and kneels*
> 
> I haven't doubled checked this yet, so if there are any errors, please do inform me. Thank you so so much!!! I may do some editing once I got out of this hellhole. ToT
> 
> Anyway, this is finally the last part. I have a lot of things to thank you guys for, but I’ll continue on the end notes. For now, let’s see what happens (^ - ^)

**_“Tetsuya, are you crying..?”_ **

**_“...my mom said lying is disgraceful...”_ **

**_“I won’t laugh, I promise... so tell me.”_ **

**_“...Ghosts?”_ **

**_“Don’t worry... I will always protect you.”_ **

**_“...See? I’ll hold your hand until you fall asleep. So please, don’t cry anymore...”_ **

Kuroko briefly wondered on when he ever started becoming dependent on one Akashi Seijuurou. Ever since they were young, the redhead was already known for having such an unapproachable and intimidating aura. People always refer to him as a person who always gets what he wants and one having an obsession to always being right. As such, to most people, it always came as a shock that the two of them are genuinely friends especially with Kuroko’s calm demeanor. And even then, Kuroko just finds them funny because his memories of Akashi were always that of... gentle and sincere... Thoughtful, even.

**_“You failed?”_ **

**_“That’s all right Tetsuya, you’ve tried hard... C’mon, I’ll buy you that vanilla milkshake on our way home to cheer you up.”_ **

**_“But later... Tell your grandma I’ll start dropping by your home to tutor you, okay? You better get ready. I’m a pretty strict teacher, you know?”_ **

But he was, of course, still ~~too much~~ a bit of a worrier. And also an infuriating guy because of his unbelievably unfair advantages... I mean, can you believe it? The only flaw he can ever point out about the redhead is his jokes aren’t funny. Probably the best one he could ever come up with for years they’ve been together is his _two chips_ * joke. And he was even intoxicated back then.

Kuroko can’t help but inwardly chuckle at the memory.

 _Ahhh_... that’s right. _Memories_... There are hundreds of memories of them together that he always keeps close to his heart. Plenty happy, while some could be plainly trivial. Nevertheless, they always manage to put a smile on his face. But... never did Kuroko think that one of their memories would include... a kiss. And it wasn’t that he regrets it, he’d be a hypocrite if he said that. What hurts him is the fact that the kiss was actually Akashi’s _goodbye_... He said he was... _leaving_. And though his kiss tasted... exceedingly sweet and addicting, all that was left in Kuroko’s lips right now is the bitter taste of regret and sorrow.

_“I’m leaving for CA, a week from now.”_

Kuroko always knew that the two of them would soon lead different lives. With Akashi being an heir to a business empire, he always tells himself that one day, they would inevitably separate. And he understands that. He really does... _Then why..?_ Maybe... understanding something doesn’t really mean you’ll be perfectly fine with it.

 _He wasn’t prepared for this at all_.

He gently huddled himself closer as he felt a sudden chilly breeze blew his way. _It’s really cold tonight_... His perfectly ironed suit didn’t even suffice to suppress the coldness of the night. _And what was he doing, really..._ Kise and the others are inside, enjoying the on-going party while he excused himself for a _“breath of fresh air”_. He inwardly clicked his tongue, knowing well that Nijimura-senpai won’t be the least thrilled that one of his guests was lounging in a deserted balcony instead of celebrating his birthday with the rest.

_This is not the time to be drowning in thoughts._

He brought both of his hands up to rub them together when a sudden piece of cloth, likely a coat, was casually draped on his shoulders. The coat was large enough to cover his shivering form and soon enough, its warmth slowly seeped into his whole body.

_But this scent..._

“I thought I’d find you here Tetsu.” Kuroko felt a small pang in his chest as he recognized that ever-familiar voice. “Enjoying the night?”

“Aomine-kun...” The tealhead simply whispered back as he peered sideways to meet the tanned male’s gaze.

“Man... Nijimura-senpai invited a lot of guests,” The tanned male leaned towards the balcony rails, redirecting his gaze towards the horizon where a solemn full moon lies. “I had to get away from the crowd.” He almost hissed.

“Well, Aomine-kun hated going to parties after all.” Kuroko commented, adjusting the coat on his shoulders to prevent it from falling. _When was the last time since they’ve spoken like this? The last time they were this close together?_ Probably... months? But even though that was the case, it felt as if a _lifetime_ had already passed between them. It feels quite nostalgic for some reason.

“It’s not that I hated them. It’s just that back then, I’d rather spend more time with y - . Ah, never mind.” He hastily turned his head away from him as if he was flustered over the words that almost slipped out of his mouth.

Kuroko simply tilted his head in confusion. Then, as if a sudden idea occurred to him, he reminded, “Ah... By the way, remember to stay away from alcohol. I don’t want everyone getting traumatized again if ever you choose to repeat last year’s incident.”

Aomine made a disgusted face. “Geh. Way to go, Tetsu. You made me remember something horrible.”

Kuroko gave him a timid smile as he also leaned on the balcony rails. He then sighed exasperatedly remembering that last party in Coach Aida’s house. It would’ve gone great except for Aomine _almost_ giving them a nude show, almost drowning in the pool, almost getting arrested for running around the streets half-naked while obnoxiously singing _that_ song...

_Ahh... why did he have to remember..?_

When the tanned male turned to him, he was wearing a wide, innocent smile. “But well, it’s not so bad, after all... I get to serenade you in front of the whole neighborhood. And you even visited me every day when I caught flu.”

Kuroko flinched. It was _those_ times _._ He remembered Aomine’s mother who’d cook him those delicious meatballs every time he visited. And that embarrassing drunken _“serenade”_ was beyond humiliating, but still... in some ways, heartwarming. There was even one point when Aomine knelt to ask him _that question_. But he probably had forgotten about that, along with all his promises... when he told him he doesn’t want him anymore.

**_“Don’t Tetsuya... Don’t wait for Aomine...”_ **

_I..._

“Tetsu.” The tanned male called him out of his daze. “I actually just came here to grant a promise.”

“A what?” The tealhead curiously looked at Aomine’s direction. He saw him bringing out something that’s already sticking out from his pocket that Kuroko didn’t notice a while ago. _That’s..._

“Here.” The tanned male thrusted a familiar stem of purple hyacinths in front of him as he mumbled, “I told you I’d come see you again, didn’t I?”

_I will come see you again._

_\- A_

_‘A’_... that was Aomine? Kuroko hesitantly accepted the flower. _Oh, so those flowers were from him_. He always thought that maybe, maybe they were from Akashi. Why did he assume that it was from the redhead in the first place? First of all, if they were from him, they should be inside the house, on his tabletop. Not in his doorstep...

_I see... What is this feeling...?_

“Giving the flowers was already out of character for me.” Aomine shyly scratched the bridge of his nose. “More so, the note. It’s kinda embarrassing, I left it at A.” He gazed at him more intently. “But were you expecting someone else?”

“...” The tealhead clutched the stem tighter. “I... thank you... Aomine-kun.” _Is he... somehow, disappointed..?_

“Tetsu, I think I already found my answer.” He slowly took Kuroko’s hands and covered them with his. The tealhead’s eyes widened at the sudden action. “...my answer is you... It was you all along...”

“I want to spend my life with you...”

“Please forgive me... Let’s start all over again.”

They stood in complete silence before Aomine gently pulled him closer and held him in a quiet embrace.

_Why..?_

It was then that Kuroko felt a trail of wetness in his cheeks. He was... _crying_...

_Why now..?_

He subconsciously leaned his forehead towards the tanned male’s shoulder, drowning in the sharp, stabbing sensation in his chest. For these past months, perhaps he’d been waiting to hear those words from him, thinking how nice would it be if Aomine realizes that the only person he needs is him... And now, he got what he wanted, right? _So why..?_

_It just didn’t feel right. It feels like he’d lost something important._

**_“I... love you, okay?”_ **

“Aomine-kun... I... I...” Kuroko struggled to find the words he wanted to say. _What did he want to tell him..?_ He raised both of his arms to reach for the taller male’s back as he continued. “I... I’m...”

Just then, at the corner of his eyes, he noticed a flash of a retreating figure away from their current location. His chest constricted when he recognized that familiar mop of red hair dimly lit by the moonlight.

“Akashi...kun...” Kuroko softly uttered as he slowly departed from Aomine’s embrace. _He was there... He saw them_...

_I... this... what..._

The tanned male eyed the tealhead questioningly as he saw him panic. “Akashi?” He looked across the same direction as Kuroko’s and soon realized what he was agonizing about.

Kuroko instinctively tried to run after the redhead, only for Aomine to readily encircle his waist with his arm. “Don’t go after him, Tetsu...” He pulled him closer, his face nuzzling the tealhead’s hair, getting familiarized with his scent once more. _“Stay with me.”_

“But... Akashi-kun might misunderstand...” He grimaced, his chest aching at imagining what could have possibly been Akashi’s expression before he turned around.

“What exactly is he misunderstanding here??” Aomine almost growled, his face showing hurt. “Tell me, Tetsu. Did you really keep your promise with me?” His grip on his waist tightened. _“Do you... still love me..?”_

“...” _Do I... still love him?_ Kuroko dejectedly dropped his head. There had always been this familiar ache in his chest whenever Aomine is involved. And even now, he’s still being tortured by that. But whether it’s pain or longing... he’s not so sure anymore.

_And even though he tries to hide it, seeing him still hurts. Talking to him still hurts._

Aomine gave him a lot to remember him by. He made him happy. He thought him what it means to have someone precious. How could he just... _unlove_ him?

_Still... seeing that person walk away..._

“I... don’t know Aomine-kun...” He bit his lower lip. “I really don’t know anymore...” His body felt limp as he dropped his hands to his sides. _He just feels tired_... from all these. “But that person... I don’t want to lose that person... Not Akashi-kun...”

At that, Aomine slowly relinquished his hold on him. “...” A bitter smile played on his lips as he watched Kuroko slowly walked away, vanishing from his sight without ever looking back.

 

\---

 

_Akashi-kun..._

Kuroko crouched down to catch his breath after a short period of running around. He was starting to lose hope in finding the redhead that’s why when he located him in the backyard garden just as Kise suggested, he felt immensely relieved. He found him solemnly gazing at the indoor pond, deep in thoughts and he just... felt grateful. _He’s here... He was still here..._

He tried to gather his scattered thoughts as he silently watched over the redhead’s brooding form. But then, he was distracted by his sudden urge to sigh. _This guy is so unfair_... Well, he always knew that Akashi was... okay, he admits it, devilishly handsome. And girls still flock to him despite his cold demeanor towards others... But inspecting him tonight, with his hair swept upwards, his heterochromatic eyes gleaming under the moonlight... paired with his obviously expensive vest and a rolled up polo, with a matching platinum custom-made (Richard Mille?) watch, made him look... unexplainably irresistible... Or perhaps this was how it always had been but he noticed it just now... _Is this how others see him..? Strange..._

 _Wait... Am I... Am I checking him out??_ The tealhead felt the urge to smack himself as he felt his cheeks heating up at the thought.

Akashi probably became aware of his presence that he suddenly turned to his direction. “...” And there was it again... that odd sensation in his chest. Like he’s drowning in the depths of the ocean, scared and unable to breathe. Like a child, waiting for Christmas but is afraid of the cold, cold snow...

The redhead looked at him with a surprised expression. “What... are you doing here..?” He queried as Kuroko made his way towards him.

“Akashi-kun...I...” He brought a hand to his chest, clutching it tightly. “I... were you just... I mean... in the balcony...”

Akashi’s gaze softened as he brought out a handkerchief from his chest pocket and gently dabbed them on the tealhead’s forehead. “Did you ran here..? You’re sweating...” He continued wiping down to his cheeks and neck. “Maybe you should remove your coat.” The tealhead only nodded as the redhead proceeded in helping him remove his coat.

“Tetsuya looks so cute tonight, it should be illegal.” He gently chuckled as he rearranged several misplaced strands of hair on the tealhead’s.

“So... is Akashi-kun...” He inwardly scolded himself as he felt his chest constricting. “Akashi-kun looks dashing tonight.”

For a moment, the redhead simply paused, looking at him wide-eyed before he cleared his throat. An act that he usually does when he’s shy. “Thank you... that makes me really happy.” He swiftly folded the handkerchief and returned it to his chest pocket. A moment later, his lips then curled into a mischievous smile. “Maybe it’s the watch?”

“ _Ugghhh.._ ” Kuroko just playfully slapped his chest. “Akashi-kun should shut up.”

Akashi pleasantly chuckled as he placed a hand on Kuroko’s back, leading him to an area in the garden with chairs and a table, most likely used for afternoon tea. “Rest here for now, Tetsuya.” He urged Kuroko to sit while he folded his coat and hanged it on the chair’s armrest. “Have you eaten? Should I get that vanilla pudding for you?”

The tealhead grabbed a hold of the end of Akashi’s sleeves before he even had the chance to go anywhere. “No, I’m good. Please just stay here, Akashi-kun...”

The redhead tenderly clutched the hand holding him in place, bringing it closer to his lips. “As Tetsuya wishes.” He smiled coyly as he placed two consecutive ghost kisses on top of his knuckles.

Kuroko winced a little at the contrast of the warmth the taller male left in his hand and the coldness of the night.

Akashi then pulled a chair adjacent to him and sat down, not uttering a single word. Kuroko did the same and quietly let himself be engulfed by their always, comfortable silence. There are a lot of things he wanted to say. A lot of things he needed to ask. A lot of conflicting emotions. A lot of uncertainties. And yet, none of that seemed to matter at that exact moment. Akashi’s right here. Beside him. That’s what’s important for him right now.

“Tetsuya...” The redhead mumbled against the steady wind. “Can you... just forget what I said?”

Kuroko swiftly glanced at him, slightly raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean, Akashi-kun?”

“Well, you see.” Akashi’s gaze remained fixated upon the starless skies instead of looking towards his direction. His eyes looked a bit melancholic and Kuroko felt quite dreadful of what his next words might be. “It appears that I was simply confused back then.”

“Confused...? Which are you referring to?” The tealhead hesitantly asked.

“I’m sorry, Tetsuya.” The redhead slowly stood up and walked towards his direction, stopping then in front of him. Kuroko kept his gaze directed on him, questioning. “I do love you... But after careful thinking, I came to a conclusion that I only love you as my precious, irreplaceable friend... And not any more than that.”

“...” _Not any more than that._

“I... I apologize if I somehow confused you.” He reached out to grab one of Kuroko’s hands, realizing that it was a tad shaking. “I guess I was just desperate to stop you from getting back with Aomine.”

He gently squeezed his hands, continuing “I hated him for hurting you. But if he’s still the one who can fix you, then I realized I shouldn’t stop you.”

“...”

“After all, all I care about is Tetsuya’s happine -”

Akashi abruptly stopped midsentence when the tealhead forcefully retracted his hand from his hold. Examining Kuroko’s face, the redhead’s expression then contorted into shock. Then remorse. Hurt. And then regret...

There were droplets of tears falling from Kuroko’s eyes as he brusquely stood up, the chair toppling behind him. He turned to Akashi as he muttered, “I hate you.”

The next thing he knew, he was walking out of the party.

...

Akashi stood dumbfounded when Kuroko started walking away from him. All he ever wanted was to protect him... Never did he dream of hurting him. Or making him cry. He never once thought that Kuroko would make such a face because of him... because of the things he said. And it hurt like hell.

He must think of him as a liar. A cruel person who plays and manipulates others to make them do his bidding. He probably felt betrayed, even.

_But maybe, this is really for the best..._

He picked up the fallen chair and sat on it, letting his head fall backwards. “Ah... I really messed up.”

_There goes my only bliss._

He felt a sudden trickle of fluid in his cheek, plenty more following afterwards, cold against his. He only realized that it was raining when he heard a sudden rumble of thunders in the sky. “Ah... mom... I’m being _disgraceful_... Will you ever forgive me?”

He reached out a hand to temporarily cover his eyes from the raindrops, leaning the back of his hand between his forehead and the bridge of his nose.

_I hope Tetsuya wouldn’t be drenched by this rain._

_I hope he gets home safe._

_I hope he warms himself when he gets home._

_I hope he wouldn’t cry to sleep._

_Ahh... Tetsuya._

_My Tetsuya..._

If only that was really the case.

 _“I love you.”_ He uttered, silently, as if it was his deepest secret that no one should ever hear. He bit his lower lip as it trembled. _“I really do...”_

_“I do love you.”_

_“I love you so much.”_

But they were never heard by anyone.

 

\---

 

“Are you really leaving, Akashi?” Akashi only vaguely smiled in response as he poured his green-haired companion a warm cup of tea. He was in the midst of finishing the packing of his baggage when Midorima rang his doorbell. As much as possible, he’d like to keep the fact that he’s leaving from his friends for now because it’s kind of hard saying goodbye. But apparently, the greenhead must have heard it from his dad, who’s actually one of his father’s acquaintances.

“You should’ve told us.” Midorima took a sip of the offered cup, leaning against the terrace sofa to make himself more comfortable. Not that he isn’t though. The mansion’s terrace had always been the place where they held their _shogi_ matches countless of times now. “The others would’ve prepared a farewell party for you or something.”

“Ahh... it’s fine.” Akashi poured a cup himself, inhaling the pleasant smell of freshly brewed tea leaves as he did so. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

_Besides, Tetsuya must really loathe me by now..._

Remembering those tears during the night of the party already left an acute pain in his chest, he couldn’t bear giving him any more reasons to weep.

“I’ve heard everything from my dad. Is it your father?” The greenhead blatantly accused as he placed down his cup on the saucer, a clinking noise resounding as he did so.

“It was indeed his offer.” Akashi briefly let out a low hum. “But it was I who decided on doing it.”

Several times now, his father had been persuading him to go abroad to finish his studies, get his MBA and start inheriting the business there. After all, he already had a fair share of invitations from prestigious universities abroad and nobody could ever argue about his intellectual and academic prowess. He had agreeable qualities far beyond academics and his extra-curricular works were nothing to scoff at. Though no matter what his father says about it, he would always decide against it. _Akashi Seijuurou_ would never let anyone oppose him even if it’s his own parents.

As foolish as it may sound, there was only one reason why he chooses to stay. And needless to say, it was _Tetsuya_.

Tetsuya who sometimes cries when he’s alone... Tetsuya who can’t handle kitchen work... Tetsuya who’s hopeless when it’s cold...

But recently, it suddenly hit him that it wasn’t really for Kuroko but for _himself_. Kuroko had always been tough, hardworking, and surrounded by people who loves and cares for him. It wasn’t just him. Truth be told, he doesn't really need him...  _Probably, the truth is that Akashi wanted to stay for his own selfish reasons_. He thought that he was choosing the tealhead over anything, but he wasn’t. He wanted to be by his side, he wanted to care for him. He wanted to _love_ him. _It was all for himself_. But what if that person doesn’t want those feelings? What if he doesn’t want him..? His presence was just a nuisance. He was unwanted. _His selfishness just makes his loved one suffer._

As long as he’s in the picture, he’s making it harder for Kuroko. As long as he’s there, he’s forcing Kuroko to choose between him and Aomine. Kuroko might as well be searching for feelings that don’t really exist inside of him after hearing his confession.

_Just thinking about it pains him so much..._

And so, he chooses again. And he chose to be selfish once more... He chose to study in CA and inherit their main business there. He chose to leave to further improve himself and start making a name of his own. He chose to follow the path he kept resisting to become a better man for the future.

But by choosing for himself, he will set Kuroko free. And for him, that’s all that matters. _He chose to protect his smile... and so, he chose to let him go..._

_...Even if that meant never seeing him again._

“It’s about time for me to anyway.” The redhead glanced sideways, eyeing the setting sun from their location as he placed a hand below his chin, his arm resting on the sofa’s armrest.

Midorima lightly sneered. “Sounds like an excuse.”

“Maybe.” The redhead simply shrugged his shoulders, his mind drifting outside the conversation. “But I guess we all have our own way of protecting somebody.”

The greenhead simply cocked an eyebrow at his unclear response, wondering what Akashi might actually be thinking at the moment.

“Say Shintarou, can you do me a favor?”

 

\---

 

“Arf! Arf!” From his bed, Kuroko stared long and hard at the puppy sitting in a dog crib, looking at him and happily waggling its tail. _Bakashi_... He sighed before crouching down to grab one of its paws, saying “Nice to meet you, I’m Kuroko.”

The puppy happily licked his hand before letting out another “Arf!”

“Then what should I call you...” He wondered, lightly scratching behind the small creature’s ear. “Should I call you ‘Kise’?”

The puppy seemed to back away, whimpering quietly. “I guess that’s a no for ‘Kise’?” He smiled and thought he loves this little boy already. “Then we’ll go with what Bakashi wrote... I’ll call you Tetsuya Nigou. _Nigou_ , for short.”

“Arf!” When the dog returned to wagging its tail while panting, Kuroko thought that that may be his sign of approval.

“Nigou it is then. It’s nice to meet you, Nigou.”

“Arf! Arf!”

Kuroko’s smile then faded when he remembered the greenhead that paid him a short visit a while ago, giving him the puppy and a red envelope. _“Akashi asked me to deliver you this.”_

_“He told me to give this to you after he already left, but I decided to give it before that, nanodayo.”_

_“I-It’s not that I care about what’s happening between you two! I just can’t keep the dog in my house. And I don’t have the time tomorrow. It’s just that, okay?”_

_“And just for your information, he will be checking in at exactly 5 pm this afternoon, nanodayo.”_

He inhaled deeply, trying to repress the sinking feeling in his chest as he gazed at the perforated red envelope on his bedside table. _So he was leaving today..._ He regretted not asking the redhead the details about his flight days ago. He was too focused on his own pain and now, he wouldn’t even get to say goodbye...

“KUROKO!!!!!!” Kuroko jerked up his bed when his door was suddenly burst open and a loud voice resonated in his room. “DID YOU JUST SERIOUSLY DITCH ME?!?!?!?!?”

It was Kagami. _Oh, right_... He was about to meet up with him today, 30 minutes ago. He had completely forgotten it after the meeting with Midorima. Moreover, his friend must be really furious to have stormed off in his house. He never really does visit him without permission since he respects his privacy.

He walked closer to him, subconsciously stomping loudly as he did. “I’ve been trying to reach your cell, you idiot!”

Kuroko instinctively stood and raised up two hands in front of him. “I-I’m really sorry Kagami-kun. I met up with Midorima-kun and I just... forgot. I’m sor-”

“I know!” The redhead placed both of his hands on the smaller male’s shoulder, lightly shaking him. “I saw and talked to him a while ago. I was waiting for you dumbass! Shit, it’s already 4 pm.” He blurted out after glancing at the wall clock inside the bedroom. “Akashi is leaving today right?? There’s.no.way.in.hell.you.aren’t.going.there!”

The tealhead’s eyes widened at his statement. “I...” He suddenly dropped his head, averting his gaze from the redhead. “But I don’t know what to tell him Kagami-kun... And I can’t really face him after he told me he doesn’t love me any more than a precious friend.”

Kagami shook him more aggressively this time. “Do you really believe that??? That psycho is a psycho but he genuinely loves you!!!”

The tealhead remained silent for a while before uttering his next words with bitterness. “I know, Kagami-kun... That’s why I... can’t face him.” He hesitantly peered at the taller male’s eyes. “I know he’s lying. He blatantly lied to protect me, spare me from this confusion... And he’s suffering and I can see that, but he’s still thinking about me...”

“While I...” Kuroko once again gazed downwards, “I’m a cruel person...”

“I’m a cruel person who can’t even understand his own feelings... I don’t know if I still feel something for Aomine-kun... And I don’t know exactly what I feel about Akashi-kun. I’m hurting the people I care about because of my own indecisiveness.”

Kagami was flabbergasted for a moment, probably trying to process the sudden outburst his friend displayed. After a while, his hands then reached out to the tealhead’s cheeks and he pinched them hard, earning a few _‘Ow! Ow! Ow’_ from Kuroko.

“Oh cmon, Kuroko! Give yourself a break!” He blurted out. “I’m an idiot and I can’t probably give you a proper advice, but snap out of it!”

“Who cares if you’re hurting that dick Aomine? He’s the one who left you in the first place! If anything, he f*ckin deserves it! If he can’t even wait while you get your thoughts together, I’m really gonna kill somebody.”

“And Akashi? Duh. He’d been waiting for you all his life, it’s not like he’d expect you to respond to him immediately just because he confessed.”

“You’re not a bad person if you still can’t understand your own feelings. You’re not a cruel person just because you do or don’t have certain feelings others expect you to have. There’s a reason why the heart is in a lower place than the brain. That’s because it’s dumber that it needs plenty of time to analyze what’s inside of it. Well that goes for what it also doesn’t have but - ah!!!”

Kagami straightened up and face palmed. “God, I’m really bad at this aren’t I?”

“What I’m trying to say is... Don’t be too hard on yourself. All feelings are valid. You’re confused? Don’t force yourself to choose when you are. Upset? That’s fine, accept it and shout. You don’t know what to feel? Pause and give your heart some time to wonder.”

“Don’t let other things - people, dictate what should be in here.” The redhead pointed a finger to his chest before continuing, “Don’t let them set the pace for your own feelings. We all have our own paces, don’t force yourself to match others. Give your heart some time.”

The tealhead intently stared at Kagami. “I-I mean, you know, even the saying goes like, hmmm... What was that again? A dome wasn’t built in a day. Yeah. That’s it, I think.”

Kuroko slowly covered the lower part of his face and lightly chuckled. “It was Rome, Kagami-kun.”

A dust of pink covered Kagami’s cheek as he ruffled the smaller male’s head. “Kuroko you little - !” But afterwards he let out a small smile seeing his friend lighten up.

When they both settled down, Kuroko muttered a quiet “Thank you.”

Kagami looked away, probably to hide his embarrassment. “Now where were we?” He started scratching his head. “Ah, right. Hurry up, Kuroko!”

“But we have a problem, Kagami-kun... I can’t possibly reach the airport in this short amount of time.” The tealhead’s eyes were downcast as he calculated the time it will take to reach Akashi.

“You can and you will.” Kagami bit his lip as he placed a hand in the smaller male’s shoulder. “In a motorcycle.”

“How... But none of us can’t...” The tealhead’s eyes briefly widened, then his brows furrowed at the sudden thought which crossed his mind. There’s only one person he knows who owns and can drive a motorcycle. “You didn’t possibly have called Aomine-kun, did you?”

“I had no choice! It’s faster with a motorcycle and he’s the only one I know who can. And he’s just around the area too...” The redhead defended, his eyes guilty. “I hate this too, just so you know! But I was just thinking about you! I don’t want you sulking because you regret not seeing that psycho...”

Kuroko briefly closed his eyes in slight exasperation but he knows that his friend only meant well. “I guess, thank you, Kagami-kun... but he... agreed?”

“He did, and you don’t have to worry... He uhh... promised he won’t get in your way.” The redhead started pushing him outside of the room. “Now go, let’s talk later. He’s outside.”

“I... thank you.” Kuroko softly smiled as he let himself out of the room. “See you later then.”

When finally got down from his room, he remembered something as he put on a jacket. As loud as he can, he reminded, “And oh, Kagami-kun, please take care of Nigou for me.”

“Nigou?” He heard Kagami inquiring from upstairs.

As soon as he headed towards the door, he then heard a loud shriek coming from Kagami.

 _His friend hated dogs._ He can’t help the smile forming on his lips.

 

\---

 

Contrary to what Kuroko thought it would be, the motorcycle ride was actually not that bad. He was behind him, clinging to his waist but it wasn’t anything awkward for him. Well, probably because he was pre-occupied at the moment. But mostly because the tanned male didn’t ask for any more questions and he just drove silently, focused, as if he shares the same goal as him.

There was even one stop in a traffic light where Aomine told him how noisy Kagami was about his warnings, pre-cautions and _“shit like that”_ , as he said. But he reassured him that he only wants to help him too. And Kuroko felt a little better with that. Aomine was, after all, one of his closest friends before they became lovers. _Ex- lovers_ , his mind corrected.

“You fine?” The tanned male would often ask whenever he accelerated a bit more. And Kuroko would simply hum in response. He remembered those times when Aomine would be against him hopping on his bike, because “it’s dangerous”. But that seems like a distant past right now...

They made a lot of shortcuts which greatly decreased the time they needed to reach their destination. And Kuroko even requested to drop by a certain shop quickly. It was a good 10 minutes before 5 pm when they arrived.

He immediately thanked him and hopped out of the bike as quick as he can. Now how is he supposed to see Akashi in this huge place, more so, in this number of people? While he was agonizing on what to do, the tanned male hastily grabbed his wrist. “Tetsu.” He called out as he wore a dejected expression.

“Ao...mine-kun?” Kuroko exchanged his glances from Aomine’s face and the hand holding him in place.

“I... ah.” He gently released him soon, a small smile appearing on his lips. “Good luck. Let’s talk after all this is over...”

“As friends.” He added, offering a fist bump on Kuroko’s direction.

A sincere, genuine smile appeared on Kuroko’s lips as he returned the fist bump. “I would like that, Aomine-kun.”

...

“Don’t go...” Aomine mumbled under his breath as he saw the tealhead frantically walking away from him towards the check-in area.

_“Don’t go, Tetsu.”_

 

\---

 

“Where is he?” Kuroko paced back and forth in the area, his heart beating fast in his chest. “Where is he?”

He never expected a throng of people at this time of the year. But maybe he should’ve since it was still the vacation period.

“Where do I find him...?” He inspected the people entering the check-in area one-by-one, panicking at every passing second.

He took out his phone and started dialing the redhead’s number. Why didn’t he think of that sooner?

_"The number you have dialed...”_

_Uggghhh..._

_I need to see him._

_Please... let me see him..._

_Just this once._

...

5 minutes until checking in.

Akashi picked up his bag after glancing at his watch, swallowing every bit of regret he might be feeling at the moment.

_I guess this is goodbye._

_..._

_..._

“AKASHI-KUN!!” a voice echoed from among the people in the area. _That was_... The redhead briefly wondered if he was simply imagining that... but he realized he wasn’t when the people around him looked around in confusion, one even commenting _“That was a pretty loud voice.”_ “AKASHI-KUN!!” another one followed and Akashi’s heart sped up in anticipation. He started searching for the source right away, hoping he’ll see that familiar baby blue color he loves so much.

“AKASHI-KUN!!” And then he saw him.

When the tealhead turned, he seemed to have caught the redhead as well that he sighed in relief. Akashi walked towards him. _Tetsuya is really full of surprises_ , he inwardly thought.

“Tetsuya... you came.” He whispered, his tone containing a hint of surprise.

“Akashi...kun...” Kuroko panted as he crouched down, holding a hand to his chest. Akashi thought he was probably running around to search for him, it made him feel so cozy inside. “You... have to promise me... you will come back.” He huffed.

...

“I know... there are things you must do.” He straightened his back as soon as he caught his breath. “So I will not be selfish and stop you.”

“But no matter how long it takes, you have to come back.” The tealhead placed a hand on his chest. “Here. Back to me.”

“I acknowledge your feelings.” He uttered, a blush appearing in his cheeks. “I will not run from it anymore.”

“I may not be able to give you a proper response right now, but I will always... keep your feelings with me.”

“While you’re gone, please let me think about it.” The tealhead curtly bowed. “I will wait for you till then.” When he got back up, he offered a stem of White Camellia’s towards him. He was glad it wasn’t ruined by the wind after he picked it up from the flower shop.

The tealhead’s face flushed even more when the redhead stared intently at him as he accepted the flower then gave him an actual, heartfelt smile.

“Ah-I mean... I’m not tying you to me or anything. You don’t have to l-love me till then. I-I just. I’m not sure what’s gonna happen but I... I hope I can give Akashi-kun m-my everything by then.” he panicked, flailing his arms. “I mean, all I can. I mean, I...” _What was he saying?_ He raised a hand to hide his red face.

He felt Akashi ever gently pulling him closer to his chest.

...

The redhead nuzzled Kuroko’s hair as he gripped him tightly. _He would surely miss this sweet vanilla scent_... “Ahh... why must you always make me happy with your words...”

Akashi clutched him tighter as he felt the tealhead burying his face at the crook of his neck.

_Would it be wrong if I hold on to them..?_

_Would it be wrong if I get my hopes up..?_

“It’s fine if you’re unsure.” He lightly lifted the tealhead’s face up, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. “Having you considering my feelings already gave me enough happiness, I feel like I could die anytime.” He felt his chest beating fast... and against his, Kuroko’s had the same rhythm, his heart felt so full, it felt like it’s gonna burst.

_I never thought that there will ever come a time when you will say that..._

“Ahh.. Tetsuya...” He whispered, nuzzling his sweet smelling locks one again. “Tetsuya...”

“I really love you, Tetsuya...” He could feel Kuroko deeply burying himself in his chest, probably of embarrassment, it made him smile.  

_I really do._

_“Calling all passengers for flight...”_

Akashi slowly separated himself from Kuroko once he heard his Flight number being called. “Looks like I need to go now...” He lifted up one of the tealhead’s hand and gave gentle, butterfly kisses in each of his fingers, then on the back of his hand.

“Well then, I will always wish upon the stars that I really can have Tetsuya’s everything when I return.” He teased, a sly grin on his face, painting the tealhead’s face red all over again.

“Akashi-kun, your jokes aren’t funny, didn’t I tell you that?” He shyly looked away and the redhead simply giggled.

_You really are, so precious._

Akashi placed one final kiss on his cheeks. “See you then, love.”

 

\---

 

Kuroko smiled as he watched the planes get off one by one at a park near the airport. He reflected on the previous happenings, thinking that Akashi might have really taken something with him that belongs to Kuroko.

Well...

_It’s fine..._

_I have a lot of time ahead of me to foster these feelings..._

_This time, I will be the one waiting for you._

_I don’t know what the future holds,_

_But I do hope..._

_That one day, when you get back,_

_I will finally be able to tell you..._

 

_I honestly, truly, deeply, sincerely love you._

\---

 

_Dear Tetsuya,_

_If you’re reading this, I’m probably not there anymore. I’m not dead. I’m just, in another country. Ah, why am I still explaining this...? To be honest, I’m not really sure why I’m writing to you. I’m not usually this ineloquent, but with you, I’m always at loss for words._

_Anyway, there’s something I really regret the last time we met. I made you cry, and I really hated myself because I promised I wouldn’t do that. Not ever._

_And I lied... I thought that was for the best, but I realized you deserve the truth especially since you never lied to me ever since that day of camping when we were kids._

_So please hear me out..?_

_I love you...okay?_

_That's my horrible secret._

_You might not know this Tetsuya, but even without trying, you’re a precious bundle of happiness. You are smart, kind, persistent, a little bit stubborn, but nonetheless beautiful in every ways._

_I’ve always loved your little quirks. I love the little ways you pout when you’re sulking... your soft giggles when teasing... your stubborn gaze whenever you don’t want to lose on something..._

_And before I knew it, those little things that weren’t suppose to matter... those things that you were not aware of... became my everything..._

_And I know you trusted me as a friend... You accepted everything I said or do without a second thought. You took my affection innocently and without question..._

_But I was... a terrible, terrible human being who betrayed that trust over and over again... Because this wretched heart had to choose you... Had too long for you so much that I don’t know what to do anymore. It desires for you a little bit too much that I feel like sh*t every time you held me or even when you just come close..._

_You know why..? Cause I’m a trash who can’t help but secretly get my hopes up every time you do... I’m a fool who gets all giddy and warm with all your innocent displays of affection._

_And I’m sorry Tetsuya... I’m sorry that I didn’t see you the way you wanted me to._

_I’m sorry because I lied to you..._

_I’m sorry that I loved you._

_But you see... you don’t have to love me because I love you... You don’t have to search for feelings that don’t exist just because you’re kind enough to think about mine..._

_You don’t have to worry about me. I’ve always been happy. I’ve always been happy staying by your side. It’s one of my greatest privileges, you know?_

_And I’d always be happy as long as you are... So please, don’t you ever stop being happy, even if I’m not one of the people who can give you happiness._

_No matter what choices you make, I will always support you._

_And now, even though I’m afar, I will always watch and protect you._

_But never let that burden you. Remember that before I loved you like this, I first loved you as a friend. And that is the least this friend could do._

_I’m so blessed I met Tetsuya. I’m sure all of our friends think so too._

_I think I owe them all a month worth of dinner for not notifying them that I’m leaving. Though I’m not sure when I can ever repay that. But I hope, someday._

_PS. I thought I’d give you this little puppy so you wouldn’t be alone at home. He reminds me of you at times, I don’t know why... And so, I decided to call him Tetsuya Nigou. He’s pretty obedient too, I would’ve taken him for myself but he promised me he’d love you more than I do. I think you’re in good hands. I hope you like him._

_With love,_

_Akashi Seijuurou_

 

 

 

XxXx

 

**Omake:**

 

A droplet of tear fell from Kagami’s eyes. “Akashi.... bakayarooo..!”

He winced as a sudden bolt of pain rushed through his leg and he realized that Kuroko’s puppy had bit him. “Ouch! You don’t have to bite me, you... you... ugly... furball!” Wow. His vocabulary is so rich. _Alex would be so proud!_

“Arf! Arf!” The small puppy barked angrily and Kagami immediately recoiled at the edge of Kuroko’s bed.

“Excuse me, Nigou, is it? I’m having a moment here!”

“Arf! Arf! Arf!”

“I’m not invading his privacy! I’m just...!! I mean, it’s already open, who wouldn’t be curious???”

“Arf! Arf!”

“Yes, of course! He left it there, O-P-E-N. That’s like, inviting someone, namely me, to read it.”

“ARF! ARF! ARF!”

“...."

"ARF! ARF! Arf! Arf!"

"I do not like your tone, young man!”

 

_None of them knew that this would be the start of a beautiful friendship._

 

XxXx

 

 

\- END -

\\(^ - ^) See you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere along the way, I was thinking that maybe I’d end it with AoKuro but my heart can’t really take it, so I went with the original plan. *bites nails* I’m not certain if you guys will like it, but I’m really glad that you read through the end! *Gives you thousand virtual hugs!!* \\(^ 3 ^)/
> 
> Thank you for reading, minna! You don’t know how much I appreciate your kudos and how much I reaally really love reading your kind comments. I feel like my heart is gonna burst. Thank you, thank you, really.. ToT At first, I was only writing this to take my mind off my friend’s situation but your encouragements really inspire me... A LOT. My wittle heart woves you guys. (^3^)
> 
> To be honest, I’m nervous of your possible reactions later. And there are lots of blah blah’s in this chap, and it was really hard to write... but I hope it still was a little stimulating for you. :) 
> 
> Oh, and btw. I’ve actually written a very, very short epilogue, but this could also stand alone if it’s more preferable this way. ^-^
> 
> Side note: In Hanakotoba(Language of Flowers), Purple Hyacinths mean “I’m sorry.” and White Camellia’s mean “I will be waiting.” 
> 
> * For the two chips joke, it was inspired from this [vid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifv_0_i30Q0). I found it really funny, but my sister said I don’t have a good sense of humor(jokingly). Huhuhuhu. Well, I’m similar to Akashi with his inability to make jokes, kind of thingies. lol. 
> 
> I also didn’t make Akashi ride a private plane or helicopter cause uhhh. Well, I just think that he’s not the kind of person who would, even if he has the means. Lol. I was kinda thinking about that Replace Plus 4.5 Manga. He’s such a cutie pie. Ohmigash. If you still haven’t read it, please see this[post](http://clubakashi.tumblr.com/post/132144838062/knb-replace-plus-manga-ch-45) by clubakashi.
> 
> And forgive me is something is off about the terms in the plane. I haven’t traveled through plane yet. My parents are really paranoid about stuff like that. ; ~ ;
> 
> When I was writing this, I swear I wasn't thinking of anything, but then I mentioned two instances about being drunk, and I'm like, "Really, -_-" And then what happened to Aomine was somehow like YOI, but I swear I didn't do it on purpose! I just remembered it before the end of the fic and my brain juices aren't enough to change it anymore, I hope you guys don't hate me. ToT
> 
> Happy Late Valentine’s Day! <3 Have a nice day! :)


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